(highlight:: 1. Flooding Smile
Summary:
People perceived to have the most credibility and integrity were just ever so slower to smile.
When they did smile, it appeared more sincere and personalized for the recipient. The flooding smile technique involves pausing and soaking in the other person's persona before giving them a big, warm, responsive smile that overflows into the eyes.
This split second delay convinces people that the smile is genuine and only for them.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Just last year my old college friend Missy took over her family business, a Midwestern company supplying corrugated boxes to manufacturers. One day she called saying she was coming to New York to court new clients and she invited me to dinner with several of her prospects. I was looking forward to once again seeing my friend's quick silver smile and hearing her contagious laugh. Missy was an incurable giggler and that was part of her charm. When her dad passed away last year she told me she was taking over the business. I thought Missy's personality was a little bubbly to be a CEO in a tough business. But hey what do I know about the corrugated box biz? She, three of her potential clients and I met in the cocktail lounge of a Midtown restaurant and, as we led them into the dining room, Missy whispered in my ear, please call me Melissa Tonight. Of course, I winked back. Not many company presidents are called Missy. Soon after the Metro DC did us, I began noticing Melissa was a very different woman from the giggling girl I'd known in college. She was just as charming. She smiled as much as ever. Yet something was different. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Although she was still effervescent, I had the distinct impression everything Melissa said was more insightful and sincere. She was responding with genuine warmth to her prospective clients and I could tell they liked her too. I was thrilled because my friend was scoring a knockout that night. By the end of the evening, Melissa had three big new clients. Afterward, alone with her in the cab, I said, Missy, you've really come a long way since you took over the company. Your whole personality has developed, well, a really cool, sharp corporate edge. Ah, ah, only one thing has changed, she said. What's that? My smile, she said. You're what? I asked incredulously. My smile, she repeated as though I hadn't heard her. You see, she said, with a distant look coming into her eyes. When Dad got sick and new in a few years I'd have to take over the business, he sat me down and had a life-changing conversation with me. I'll never forget his words. Dad said, Missy Honey, remember that old song? I love Jahani, but your feet's too big? Well, if you're going to make it big in the box business, let me say, I love Jahani, but your smile's too quick. He then brought out a yellowed newspaper article quoting a study he'd been saving to show me when the time was right. It concerned women in business. The study showed women who were slower to smile in corporate life were perceived as more credible. As Missy talked, I began to think about history-making women like Margaret Thatcher, Indira Gandhi, Golda Meir, Madeline Albright, and other powerful women of their ilk. Not one was known for her quick smile. Missy continued. The study went on to say a big, warm smile is an asset, but only when it comes a little slower, because then it has more credibility. From that moment on, Missy explained, she gave clients and business associates her big smile. However, she trained her lips to erupt more slowly. Thus her smile appeared more sincere and personalized for the recipient. That was it. Missy's slower smile gave her personality a richer, deeper, more sincere cache. Though the delay was less than a second, the recipients of her big, beautiful smile felt it was special and just for them. I decided to do more research on the smile. When you're in the market for shoes, you begin to look at everyone's feet. When you decide to change your hairstyle, you look at everyone's haircut. Well, for several months, I became a steady smile watcher. I watched smiles on the street. I watched smiles on TV. I watched the smiles of politicians, the clergy, corporate giants, and world leaders. My findings? Amid the sea of flashing teeth and parting lips, I discovered that people perceived to have the most credibility and integrity were just ever so many. They were just ever so slower to smile. Then, when they did, their smiles seemed to seep into every crevice of their faces and envelop them like a slow flood. Thus, I call the following technique the flooding smile. Technique number one, the flooding smile. Don't flash an immediate smile when you greet someone as though anyone who walked into your line of sight would be the beneficiary. Instead, look at the other person's face for a second. Pause. Soak in their persona. Then let a big, warm, responsive smile flood over your face and overflow into your eyes. It will engulf the recipient like a warm wave. The split second delay convinces people your flooding smile is genuine and only for them.)
- Time 0:19:39
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(highlight:: 2. Sticky Eyes
Summary:
Maintaining intense eye contact can have a powerful impact on people's emotions and create a sense of respect and fondness.
However, it is important to understand that cultural differences and individual preferences can play a role in how eye contact is perceived. While intense eye contact can be advantageous in our culture, it may be seen as invasive or threatening in other cultures.
In business interactions, strong eye contact can have a significant impact, leading to higher feelings of respect and fondness.
Additionally, maintaining eye contact can create the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker.
However, it is crucial to be mindful of the individual's emotional reaction to prolonged eye contact, as it can lead to feelings of hostility or discomfort. The use of sticky eyes technique, where you maintain eye contact and slowly break it, can convey comprehension, respect, and create a positive impression. This technique can be particularly effective when interacting with both men and women, but it is essential to adjust the level of intensity based on the context and the gender of the person you are talking to. Sticky eyes can be a powerful tool in various professional settings, signaling trust, knowledge, and a willingness to connect with others.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Let us now travel but a few inches north to two of the most powerful communications tools you possess, your eyes. Two, how to strike everyone as intelligent and insightful by using your eyes. It's only a slight exaggeration to say Helen of Troy could launch ships with her eyes and Avi Crockett could stare down a bear. Your eyes are personal grenades that have the power to detonate people's emotions. Just as martial arts masters register their fists as lethal weapons, you can register your eyes as psychological lethal weapons when you master the following eye contact techniques. Beloved people in the game of life look beyond the conventional wisdom that teaches keep good eye contact. For one, they understand that two certain suspicious or insecure people, intense eye contact can be a virulent intrusion. When I was growing up, my family had a Haitian housekeeper whose fantasies were filled with witches, warlocks and black magic. Zola refused to be left alone in a room with Louis, my Siamese cat. Louis looks right through me, sees my soul. She'd whisper to me fearfully. In some cultures, intense eye contact is sorcery. In others, staring at someone can be threatening or disrespectful. Realizing this, big players in the international scene prefer to pack a book on cultural body language differences in their carry-on rather than a burlitz phrase book. In our culture, however, big winners know exaggerated eye contact can be extremely advantageous, especially between the sexes. In business, even when romance is not in the picture, strong eye contact packs a powerful wallop between men and women. A Boston Center conducted a study to learn the precise effect. The researchers asked opposite-sex individuals to have a two-minute casual conversation. They tricked half their subjects into maintaining intense eye contact by directing them to count the number of times their partner blinked. They gave the other half of the subjects no special eye contact directions for the chat. When they questioned the subjects afterward, the unsuspecting blinkers reported significantly higher feelings of respect and fondness for their colleagues, who unbeknownst To them, had simply been counting their blinks. I've experienced the closeness intense eye contact engenders with a stranger firsthand. Once, when giving a seminar to several hundred people, one woman's face in the crowd caught my attention. The participants' appearance was not particularly unique, yet she became the focus of my attention throughout my talk. Why? Because not for one moment did she take her eyes off my face. Even when I finished making a point and was silent, her eyes stayed hungrily on my face. I sensed she couldn't wait to savor the next insight to spout from my lips. I loved it. Her concentration and obvious fascination inspired me to remember stories and make important points I had long forgotten. Right after my talk, I resolved to seek out this new friend who was so enthralled by my speech. As people were leaving the hall, I quickly sidled up behind my big fan. Excuse me, I said. My fan kept walking. Excuse me, I repeated a tad louder. My admirer didn't bury her pace as she continued out the door. I followed her into the corridor and tapped her shoulder gently. This time she whirled around with a surprised look on her face. I mumbled some excuse about my appreciating her concentration on my talk and wanting to ask her a few questions. Did you get much out of the seminar? I ventured. Well, not really. She answered candidly. I had difficulty understanding what you were saying because you were walking around on the platform facing different directions. In a heartbeat, I understood. The woman was hearing impaired. I did not captivate her as I had suspected. She was not intrigued by my talk as I had hoped. The only reason she kept her eyes glued on my face was because she was struggling to read my lips. Nevertheless, her eye contact had given me such pleasure and inspiration during my talk that, tired as I was, I asked her to join me for coffee. I spent the next hour recapping my entire seminar just for her. Powerful stuff, this eye contact. Make your eyes look even more intelligent. There is yet another argument for intense eye contact. In addition to awakening feelings of respect and affection, maintaining strong eye contact gives you the impression of being an intelligent and abstract thinker. Because abstract thinkers integrate incoming data more easily than concrete thinkers, they can continue looking into someone's eyes even during the silences. Their thought processes are not distracted by peering into their partner's peepers. Back to our valiant psychologists. Yale researchers, thinking they had the unswerving truth about eye contact, conducted another study that they assumed would confirm the more eye contact the more positive feelings. This time they directed subjects to deliver a personally revealing monologue. They asked the listeners to react with a sliding scale of eye contact while their partners talked. The results? All went as expected when women told their personal stories to women. Increased eye contact encouraged feelings of intimacy. But whoops, it wasn't so with the men. Some men felt hostile when stared at too long by another man. Other men felt threatened. Some few even suspected their partner was more interested than he should be and wanted to slug him. Your partner's emotional reaction to your profound gaze has a biological base. When you look intently at someone, it increases their heartbeat and shoots an adrenaline-like substance gushing through their veins. This is the same physical reaction people have when they start to fall in love. And when you consciously increase your eye contact, even during normal business or social interaction, people will feel they have captivated you. Men talking to women and women talking to men or women use the following technique, which I call sticky eyes, for the joy of the recipient and for your own advantage. Guys, I'll have a man-to-man modification of this technique)
- Time 0:25:04
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(highlight:: 3. Epoxy Eyes
Summary:
The epoxy eyes technique involves concentrating on the listener instead of the speaker, which disorients the target and creates a sense of extreme interest.
This technique is used by various professionals to evaluate or judge someone's reactions. However, it should be used carefully to avoid coming across as arrogant.
Full epoxy eyes can be too intense, so a gentler approach is to watch the speaker but let your glance bounce to the target after each point.
Epoxy eyes can also transmit a message of romantic interest and can be a turn on if the person finds you attractive.
However, it should never be used on strangers in public settings.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Let's carry sticky eyes one step further, like a potent medicine that has the power to kill or cure. The next eye contact technique has the potential to captivate or annihilate. Three, how to use your eyes to make someone fall in love with you. Now we haul in the heavy eyeball artillery, very sticky eyes or superglue eyes. Let's call them epoxy eyes. Big bosses use epoxy eyes to evaluate employees. Police investigators use epoxy eyes to intimidate suspected criminals, and clever Romeo's use epoxy eyes to make women fall in love with them. If romance is your goal, epoxy eyes is a proven aphrodisiac. The epoxy eyes technique takes at least three people to pull off. You, your target, and one other person. Here's how it works. Usually when you're chatting with two or more people, you gaze at the person who is speaking. However, the epoxy eyes technique suggests you concentrate on the listener, your target, rather than the speaker. This slightly disorients the target, and he or she silently asks, why is this person looking at me instead of the speaker? Your target senses you are extremely interested in his or her reactions. This can be beneficial in certain business situations, when it is appropriate that you judge the listener. Human resources professionals often use epoxy eyes, not as a technique, but because they are sincerely interested in a prospective employee's reaction to certain ideas being presented. Attorneys, bosses, police investigators, psychologists, and others who must examine subjects reactions also use epoxy eyes for analytical purposes. When you use epoxy eyes, it sends out signals of interest blended with complete confidence in yourself. But because epoxy eyes put you in a position of evaluating or judging someone else, you must be careful. Don't overdo it, or you could come across as arrogant and brazen. Technique number three, epoxy eyes. This brazen technique packs a powerful punch. Watch your target person even when someone else is talking. No matter who is speaking, keep looking at the man or woman you want to impact. Sometimes using full epoxy eyes is too potent, so here is a gentler yet effective form. Watch the speaker, but let your glance bounce to your target each time the speaker finishes a point. This way, Mr. Or Ms. Target still feels you are intrigued by his or her reactions, yet there is relief from the intensity. Use epoxy eyes to push their erotic button. If romance is on the horizon, epoxy eyes transmits yet another message. It says, I can't take my eyes off you, or I only have eyes for you. Anthropologists have dubbed eyes the initial organ of romance, because studies show intense eye contact plays havoc with our heartbeat. It also releases a drug-like substance into our nervous system called phenylethalamine. Since this is the hormone detected in the human body during erotic excitement, intense eye contact can be a turn on. Men, epoxy eyes, is extremely effective on women if they find you attractive. The lady interprets her nervous reaction to your undeward gaze as budding infatuation. If she does not like you, however, your epoxy eyes is downright obnoxious. Never use epoxy eyes on strangers in public settings or you could get arrested.)
- Time 0:34:38
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(highlight:: 4. Hang by your teeth
Summary:
Having good posture is essential for giving the impression of being a successful and confident person.
By visualizing oneself as a high-wire acrobat before walking through any door, one can imagine taking a bite on an imaginary dental grip and being lifted up, with head high, shoulders back, and body perfectly aligned. This visualization technique can be done whenever passing through a doorway, and repeating it 60 times a day can help make it a habit.
The result is a confident and winning posture that can captivate others and make one look like a somebody.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
4. How to look like a big winner wherever you go. Do you remember the lyrics to the old Shirley Bassey song? The minute you walked in the joint, I could see you were a man of distinction, a real big spender. Good looking, so refined. Say, wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind? The goal of this first section is not to make you look like a real big spender. Rather, it is to give you the cache of a real big somebody the moment people lay eyes on you. To that end, we now explore the most important technique to make you look like a very important person. When the doctor smacks your knee with that nasty little hammer, your foot jerks forward. Thus the phrase, knee jerk reaction. Your body has another instinctive reaction. When a big jolt of happiness hits your heart and you feel like a winner, your head jerks up automatically and you throw your shoulders back. A smile frames your lips and softens your eyes. This is the look winners have constantly. They stand with assurance, they move with confidence, they smile softly with pride. No doubt about it, good posture symbolizes that you are a man or woman who is used to being on top. Obviously millions of mothers sticking their knuckles between their kids shoulder blades and trillions of teachers telling students, stand up straight, hasn't done the trick. We are a nation of slouchers. We need a technique more stern than teachers and more persuasive than parents to make a stand like a somebody. In one profession, perfect posture, perfect equilibrium, perfect balance is not only desirable. It's a matter of life and death. One false move, one slump of the shoulders, one hang dog look can mean curtains for the high wire acrobat. I'll never forget the first time mama took me to the circus. When seven men and women raced into the center ring, the crowd rose as though they were all joined at the hips. They cheered with one thunderous voice. Mama pressed her lips against my ear and reverently whispered, these were the great willendas. The only troop in the world to perform the seven person pyramid with out a net. In an instant, the crowd became hushed. Not a cough or soda slurp was heard in the big top as Carl and Hermann Willenda shouted cues in German to their trusting relatives. The family meticulously and majestically ascended into the position of a human pyramid. They then balanced precariously on a thin wire hundreds of feet above the hard dirt with no net between them and sudden death. The vision was unforgettable. To me, equally unforgettable was the beauty and grace of the seven Willendas racing into the center of the big top to take their bows. Each perfectly aligned, head high, shoulders back, standing so tall it still didn't seem like their feet were touching the ground. Every muscle in their bodies defined pride, success and their joy of being alive, still. Here is a visualization technique to get your body looking like a winner who is in the habit of feeling that pride, success and joy of being alive. Your posture is your biggest success barometer. Imagine you are a world-renowned acrobat, master of the Iron Jaw Act waiting in the wings of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus. Soon you will dart into the center ring to captivate the crowd with the precision and balance of your body. Before walking through any door, the door to your office, a party, a meeting, even your kitchen, picture a leather bit hanging by a cable from the frame. It is swinging just an inch higher than your head. As you pass through the door, throw your head back and chomp on the imaginary dental grip that first pulls your cheeks back into a smile and then lifts you up. As you ascend high above the gasping crowd, your body is stretched into perfect alignment. Head high, shoulders back, torso out of hips, feet weightless. At the zenith of the tent, you spin like a graceful top to the amazement and admiration of the crowd craning their necks to watch you. Now you look like a somebody. One day, to test, hang by your teeth, I decided to count how many times I walked through a doorway. 60 times, even at home. You calculate. Twice out your front door, twice in, six times to the bathroom, eight times to the kitchen, and through countless doors at your office. It adds up. Visualize anything 60 times a day and it becomes a habit. You are now ready to float into the room to captivate the crowd or close the sale, or maybe just settle for looking like the most important somebody in the room. You now have all the basics Bob the artist needs to portray you as a big winner. Like he said, great posture, a heads up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze. The ideal image for somebody who's a somebody. Technique number four. Hang by your teeth. Visualize a circus iron jaw bit hanging from the frame of every door you walk through. Take a bite, and with it firmly between your teeth, let it swoop you to the peak of the big top. When you hang by your teeth, every muscle is stretched into perfect posture position. Now let's put the whole act into motion. It's time to turn your attention outward to your conversation partner.)
- Time 0:38:42
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(highlight:: 5. The Big Baby Pivot
Summary:
The first few moments of your reactions set the stage upon which the entire relationship will be played out
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Everybody you meet makes a subconscious judgment on whether they want you in their lives. They base their verdict greatly on the same signals. Your body language answered to their unspoken question, well, how do you like me so far? The first few moments of your reactions set the stage upon which the entire relationship will be played out. If you ever want anything from the new acquaintance, your unspoken answer to their unspoken question, how do you like me so far, must be, wow, I really like you. When a little four-year-old feels bashful, he slumps, puts his arms up in front of his chest, steps back, and hides behind Mommy's skirt. However, when little Johnny sees Daddy come home, he runs up to him, he smiles, his eyes get wide, and he opens his arms for a hug. A loving child's body is like a tiny flower bud unfolding to the sunshine. Twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years of life on earth make little difference. When forty-year-old Johnny is feeling timid, he slumps and folds his arms in front of his chest. When he wants to reject a salesman or business colleague, he turns away and closes him off with a myriad of body signals. However, when welcoming his loved one home after an absence, big Johnny opens his body to her like a giant daffodils, spreading its petals to the sun after a rainstorm. Treat people like big babies. Once I was at a corporate star-studded party with an attractive recently divorced friend of mine, Carla had been a copywriter with one of the leading advertising agencies, which, Like so many companies then, had downsized. My girlfriend was both out of work and out of a relationship. At this particular party, the pickings for Carla were good, both personally and professionally. Several times, as Carla and I stood talking, one good-looking corporate male beast or another would find himself within a few feet of us. More often than not, one of these desirable males would flash his teeth at Carla. She sometimes graced the tentatively courting male with a quick smile over her shoulder, but then she turned back to our mundane conversation as though she were hanging on my every Word. I knew she was trying not to look anxious, but inside Carla was crying out, why doesn't he come speak to us? Right after one prized corporate big cat smiled, but because of Carla's minimal reaction wandered back into the social jungle, I had to say, Carla, do you know who that was? He's the head of the young and Rubikham in Paris. They're looking for copywriters willing to relocate, and he's single. Carla moaned. Just then we heard a little voice down by Carla's left knee. Hello? We looked down simultaneously. Little five-year-old Willy, the hostess's adorable young son, was tugging on Carla's skirt, obviously craving attention. Well, well, well. Carla cried out, a big smile erupting all over her face. Carla turned toward him. Carla kneeled down, touched Little Willy's elbow and crooned, Well, hello there, Willy. How are you enjoying Mommy's nice party? Little Willy beamed. When Little Willy finally trundled off to tug on the garments of the next group of potential attention-givers, Carla and I returned to our grown-up conversing. During our chat, corporate beasts continued to stop Carla with their eyes, and she continued casting half smiles at them. She was obviously disappointed none of them was making a further approach. I had to bite my tongue. Finally, when I felt it was going to bleed from the pressure of my teeth, I said, Carla, have you been noticing that four or five men have come over and smiled at you? Yes, Carla whispered, her eyes darting nervously around the room lest anyone overhear us. And you've been giving them little half smiles, I continued. Yes, she murmured, now confused at my question. Remember when Little Willy came up and tugged on your skirt? Do you recall how you smiled that beautiful big smile of yours? Turned toward him and welcomed him into our grown-up conversation? Yes, she answered haltingly. Well, I have a request, Carla. I want you to give the next man who smiles at you that same big smile you gave Willy. I want you to turn toward him just like you did then. Maybe even reach out and touch his arm like you did Willy's, and then welcome him into our conversation. Oh, Leo, I couldn't do that. Carla, do it. Sure enough, within a few minutes, another attractive man wandered our way and smiled. Carla played her role to perfection. She flashed her beautiful teeth, turned fully toward him and said, Hello, come join us. He wasted no time accepting Carla's invitation. After a few moments, I excused myself. Neither noticed my departure because they were in animated conversation. The last glimpse I had of my friend at the party was her floating out the door on the arm of her new friend. Just then the technique I call the big baby pivot was born. It is a skill that will help you win whatever your heart desires from whatever type of beasts you encounter in the social or corporate jungle. Technique number five, the big baby pivot. Give everyone you meet the big baby pivot. The instant the two of you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance. Give the warm smile, the total body turn, and the undivided attention you would give a tiny type who crawled up to your feet, turned a precious face up to yours and beamed a big toothless Grin. Pivoting 100% toward the new person shouts, I think you are very, very special. Remember, very deep inside everyone is a big baby who is rattling the crib, wailing out for recognition of how very special he or she is. The following technique reinforces the big baby suspicion that he or she is indeed the center of the universe.)
- Time 0:48:29
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(highlight:: 6. Hello, Old Friend Technique
Summary:
Making someone feel like an old friend at once by showing genuine care and warmth is the key to building relationships.
Our body language plays a crucial role in conveying our attitude towards others. When we meet someone new, our brains may be overwhelmed by various thoughts and emotions, leading to a lack of genuine friendliness.
To overcome this, we can visualize the person as an old friend, exuding warmth and happiness.
Although we won't pretend to be actual old friends, our body language will naturally convey the delight of reconnecting.
This technique, called Hello, old friend, has a profound impact on how people perceive us. When we approach others with this mindset, they feel special, leading to stronger connections and positive interactions. This technique transcends language barriers, making it useful in unfamiliar settings. Additionally, treating others with warmth and kindness fosters genuine liking and respect, as shown by a study from Adelphi University. By believing and acting as though you like someone, you will start to genuinely like them, and they will reciprocate those feelings.
Using the Hello, old friend technique, you can create meaningful relationships with many new people who genuinely like you.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Six, how to make someone feel like an old friend at once. A very wise man with the funny name of Zig once told me, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care about them. Zig Ziglar is right. The secret to making people like you is showing how much you like them. Your body is a 24-hour broadcasting station revealing to anyone within eye shot precisely how you feel at any given moment. Even if you are hanged by your teeth posture is gaining their respect, your flooding smile and the big baby pivot are making them feel special, and your sticky eyes are capturing their Hearts and minds, the rest of your body can reveal any incongruence, every inch from the crinkle of your forehead to the position of your feet must give a command performance if you want To effectively present and I care about you attitude. Unfortunately, when meeting someone, our brains are in overdrive. Remember Shakespeare's Julius Caesar? He said of Cassius, he has a lean and hungry look. He thinks too much. Such men are dangerous. So it is with our brains when conversing with a new acquaintance. Our brains become lean. Some of us are fighting off shyness. Others are frantically sizing up the situation and hungry. We're deciding what if anything we want from this potential relationship. So we think too much instead of responding with candid, unself-conscious friendliness. Such actions are dangerous to impending friendship, love or commerce. When our bodies are shooting off 10,000 bullets of stimuli every second, a few shots are apt to misfire and reveal shyness or hidden hostility. We need a technique to ensure every shot aims right at the heart of our subject. We need to trick our bodies into reacting perfectly. To find it, let's explore the only time we don't need to worry about any shyness or negativity slipping out through our body language. It's when we feel none. That happens when we're chatting with close friends. When we see someone we love or feel completely comfortable with, we respond warmly from head to toe without a thought. Our lips part happily. We step closer. Our arms reach out. Our eyes become soft and wide. Even our palms turn up and our bodies turn fully toward our dear friend. How to trick your body into doing everything right? Here's a visualization technique that accomplishes all that. It guarantees that everyone you encounter will feel your warmth. I call it, Hello Old Friend. When meeting someone, play a mental trick on yourself. In your mind's eye, see him or her as an old friend, someone you had a wonderful relationship with years ago. But somehow you lost track of your friend. You tried so hard to find your good buddy, but there was no listing in the phone book. No information online. None of your mutual friends had a clue. Suddenly, wow, what a surprise! After all those years, the two of you are reunited. You are so happy. That's where the pretending stops. Obviously, you are not going to try to convince the new person that the two of you are really old friends. You are not going to hug and kiss and say, great to see you again. Or, how have you been all these years?
Speaker 2
You merely say, Hello, how do you do?
Speaker 1
I am pleased to meet you. But inside, it's a very different story. You will amaze yourself. The delight of rediscovery fills your face and boys up your body language. I sometimes jokingly say, if you were a light, you'd beam on the other person. If you were a dog, you'd be wagging your tail. You make this new person feel very special indeed. Technique number six. Hello, old friend. When meeting someone, imagine he or she is an old friend, an old customer, an old beloved, or someone else you had great affection for. How sad the vicissitudes of life tore you to a sundur. But holy mackerel, now the party, the meeting, the convention, has reunited you with your long-lost old friend. The joyful experience starts a remarkable chain reaction in your body from the subconscious softening of your eyebrows to the positioning of your toes and everything between. In my seminars, I first have people introduce themselves to another participant before they've learned the Hello, old friend technique. The group chats as though at a pleasant, semi-formal gathering. Later, I ask them to introduce themselves to another stranger, and they are not the one who is a little bit more than a little bit more. When they're a little bit more than a stranger, imagining they are old friends. The difference is extraordinary. When they're using Hello, old friend, the room comes alive. The atmosphere is charged with good feeling. The air sparkles with happier, high energy people. They are standing closer, laughing more sincerely, and reaching out to one another. It's been going on for hours. Not a word need be spoken. The Hello, old friend technique even supersedes language. Whenever you're traveling in countries where you don't speak the native tongue, be sure to use it. If you find yourself with a group of people who are all speaking a language unknown to you, just imagine them to be a group of your old friends. Everything is fine except they momentarily forgot how to speak English. In spite of the fact you won't understand a word, your whole body still responds with congeniality and acceptance. I've used the Hello, old friend technique while traveling in Europe. Sometimes my English speaking friends who live there tell me their European colleagues say, I am the friendliest American they've ever met. Yet we'd never spoken a word between us. A self-fulfilling prophecy. An added benefit to the Hello, old friend technique is it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you act as though you like someone, you start to really like them. An Adelphi University study called appropriately, believing another likes or)
- Time 0:55:17
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