(highlight:: Reflecting on an Experience of Sexual Assault and Self-Blame
Summary:
A woman reflects on a traumatic experience where she was raped after going to a man's apartment.
She is riddled with guilt and blame but is reminded that being alone with someone or kissing them does not justify assault. The incident highlights the pervasive problem of sexual assault against women.
Transcript:
Speaker 6
Being on a level I did, I was stupid.
Speaker 5
If a man who you're...
Speaker 6
What I should have done is when he said I'll walk you home, I should have said. But I didn't know the way because we'd been out and eaten and everything in the end.
Speaker 5
Mom, there is nothing you should have done. The man offered you his apartment. He said he was going to stay with his friends. You believed in the kindness of strangers. Yeah, but we were flirting. He bought me a drink.
Speaker 6
What does that matter? He showed me his apartment where everything was and we were sitting. And then he was saying, America men don't know how to kiss. Let me show you. And I let him. And then I said, really and truly they're pretty good. And I think you should go now. And then it just grew from there and it was rape. That is exactly what they agreed to. I was trying to scream and he said, no, no, my neighbor's a lawyer.
Speaker 10
And you know what?
Speaker 4
I didn't scream. Stop it! Stop it.
Speaker 6
So there is a night person who would hear. I was thinking I'm terrible for them to hear and know.
Speaker 5
And I'm here.
Speaker 9
Yeah, that was pretty bad.
Speaker 5
You still blame yourself. You did nothing wrong. Just being in a room alone with someone is not a invitation. Just learning with someone does not mean they can rape you. Yeah. Kissing them. Still does not mean they're allowed to rape you. And I think you're right.
Speaker 8
Absolutely.
Speaker 6
You're right.
Speaker 5
It's not just you. That happens to women over and over and over again. And the fact that you were screaming quietly not to wake up the neighbors. I mean, that just shows how deeply it's ingrained in us.)
- Time 0:33:37
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(highlight:: Kate Mann's Theory of Misogyny: Woman are givers who get punished by men for stepping out of line
Summary:
In her theory of misogyny, Kate Mann argues that it is not simply a hatred of women, but rather the punishment arm of patriarchy.
She believes that our patriarchal culture has trained us to see women as providers of feminine-coated goods. When women contradict men or withhold these goods, men may lash out with violence or other means to bring them back in line.
This is why Mann defines misogyny as the enforcement arm of patriarchy, punishing women who deviate from their assigned gender roles.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
So Kate Mann says, thanks to our patriarchal culture, all of us, men and women, have been trained to see women as a particular kind of human. Yes. Right. A human that is here to care for you men and boys and give stuff to you.
Speaker 7
So I think of the contrast more as between human beings and human givers, where women and other givers are feminine-coated goods like pleasure, nurture, sustenance, children, for That matter, labor of an emotional kind is a big part of this too.
Speaker 1
So that brings us to Kate Mann's theory of misogyny. She argues it's not hatred of women in some straightforward, simplistic way.
Speaker 2
And that makes perfect sense to me. A lot of the most misogynistic men also love women and very often treat the women in their lives quite well until those women get out of line, right? Because when they contradict the man or they stop giving the man all those feminine-coated goods that Kate Mann is talking about, the things that man expects from her, at that point, The man might lash out with violence sometimes sexual or otherwise, but he needs to bring her back in line.
Speaker 1
That is misogyny in Kate Mann's view. Not a general dislike of women, but instead she calls it the punishment arm, the enforcement arm of patriarchy. Sexism is the theory, the ideology that says men are this way and women are that way. That ideology is designed to keep people playing their assigned gender roles, but if sexism stops working and a woman gets out of line, misogyny brings the punishment. It tries to smack the woman back into her place.)
- Time 0:42:34
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(highlight:: The Pro-Social Impulse: Our tendency to prolong patriarchy by not holding men accountable
Key takeaways:
• Empathy towards boys and men often comes from a place of love and concern.
• This empathy can lead to a lack of accountability for men's harmful actions.
• There is a societal bias that prevents holding men accountable for their wrongdoings.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
Look, I'm the mother of a son. I know what it means to love a young man in spite of his imperfections. Because of his imperfections, I understand worrying about his future and wanting to protect him. Empathy, part of it anyway, comes, I think, from a good place, right? A place of love. Kate Mann calls it a pro-social impulse, as opposed to an antisocial one. The problem is that we extend this concern in empathy to boys and men at the expense of women.
Speaker 7
And it stops us from holding men accountable when they do real harm. And if I could change one thing about the world, well, I would change a lot of things about the world. But the idea that, yeah, a white, privileged man just had non-disabled and usually young and a golden boy, the idea that he can do no wrong,)
- Time 0:48:35
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