(highlight:: Everyone is Performative to Some Degree
Summary:
The word "performative" can sound negative, but in reality, we all have performative aspects in our lives.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
So my issue with the word performative is that it sounds pejorative immediately, right? We're all performative in a lot of ways.)
- Time 0:04:49
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(highlight:: The Alexander Technique: Cultivating Awareness through Non-Doing Exercises
Summary:
The speaker experienced a series of exercises that led them to notice and let go of tension in their body.
They found themselves effortlessly standing up and felt like they were watching themselves instead of actively doing it. The recognition of this effortless state and the advice to not try, but simply notice, led to a transformative experience.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
So it was a series of, I don't know, like six threads. And so it'd be some theory and I'd be like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. And then it would say, okay, now try this thing. And then I would try that thing like there was a non doing floor exercise where you just lie down and you notice anything that you are doing like any muscle hold muscle tension or any holding Or anything that you are doing. And you just noticed that. And I found that when I did that, I was surprised at how much different stuff I was doing, how much tension I was holding and then I kind of just noticed it like fall away and then more felt Away. And I was like, I can do even less than this. I can do even less than this. And then I found myself non doing standing up in this very effortless way. And it felt like I, it felt like I was watching myself stand up instead of I was doing, okay, I'm going to stand up now. Right. Right.
Speaker 2
Interesting.
Speaker 1
And then I was like, what is this? Why is everything effortless in this moment?
Speaker 2
And so it was just the recognition of that and maybe like a soft directional target of like, don't try to do this.
Speaker 1
Yeah. Roughly. Yeah. I mean, any kind of trying is just another doing. So you can just notice that recursively.)
- Time 0:08:17
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(highlight:: Taking Children Seriously: A Non-Coercive Educational/Parenting Philosophy
Summary:
I was raised with the philosophy of taking children seriously, which means not forcing them to do things they don't want to do or preventing them from doing things they enjoy.
This approach promotes rationality, rather than authority, in conflicts between parents and children. It recognizes that it's not morally right to force people, including children, to do things against their will.
Just as we shouldn't suppress any minority group, we shouldn't suppress children either.
This philosophy opposes coercion.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I don't know how much you know about taking children seriously, but I was brought up under this education philosophy that was basically, what if you didn't have to force kids to do stuff They don't want to do, or prevent them from doing things they do want to do? What if you can, it's sort of, how do we have a rational approach to conflicts between parents and children? And so the rational approach is not going to be, might makes right, or the parent is right because the parent knows more, because that's just an authoritarian approach to conflict. And so the question is, how do we get the merits of all of the ideas involved to come to the surface and how do we have that sort of thing? So, and also it's a moral thing of like it's actually not good to force people to do stuff. And also it's a, would this be an ontological claim that the children are people, like children have the same capacities as adults, even if they don't have the knowledge. And so just like it isn't good to suppress any minority group, it's also not good to suppress children. Sure, okay. So that's coercive.)
- Time 0:12:51
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(highlight:: Attachment Theory: Early Caregiver Dynamics Subconciously Affects Everything You Relate To
Summary:
Attachment theory suggests that early caregiver dynamics shape our cognition and influence how we relate to others and the world.
It determines if we feel safe, independent, reliant on others, or uncomfortable around people. It also affects our reactions to unfamiliar situations.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
And just to flip into podcast mode, attachment theory, I want to see if this maps onto your understanding. Essentially, early caregiver dynamics maps onto your cognition, mostly unconsciously, and affects how you relate to basically everyone and even the world, like how you make sense Of the world. It's like very foundational and fundamental concept. Is that roughly? Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1
Have safe the world feels, whether you feel like you can basically do things on your own, or whether you need people, or whether you can't stand to be around people and so on. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And how you react in situations where it's not at the comfort setting that you're used to or something like that.)
- Time 0:15:52
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(highlight:: Focusing Audiobook: Emotions and Intuitions are Physically Felt in the Body
Summary:
Focusing allows you to access your emotions in high resolution and tap into your subconscious thoughts.
It's like having another brain for free. It's amazing to uncover the hidden thoughts and vague feelings in your mind.
Connecting with your body gives you a new channel of processing and a powerful tool for self-discovery.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
What focusing does is gives you not only the ability to access your emotions in a lot more high resolution, but also, I always describe it as it's like reaching into your subconscious And then pulling out what's actually there, like what you actually think. Yeah. And that's amazing. Like, because there's this all of this stuff in your mind, that you don't even know that you have or that you kind of know, but it's kind of vague or that it's kind of confusing. And then, and then I can make it dialogue with my explicit ideas and actually use it. And that, yeah, it was very good. But then, because I was talking about being a floating brain, it alerted me to the fact that emotions and feelings in general and senses of things and intuitions are physically felt. Right. Physically felt in the body that I, it's not just I have a brain and I have, you know, a heart or emotions or whatever. I have a body that can do processing or something or that represents processing or like there is something such that if you are in touch with your body in a particular way, it's like getting Another brain. It's like, yep, here you go, Lulu, another brain for free.
Speaker 2
Yeah. And I'm sure that this revelation was like not only is this an additional channel, but it's a very powerful one.)
- Time 0:27:03
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(highlight:: Enneagram: Personality is Based On One's Core Fears and Artificial Defenses
Summary:
Enneagram reveals that personalities are built on core fears and act as artificial defense mechanisms, influencing one's emotional management regime.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
The one single thing from Enneagram for me is that the personality is constructed around core fears, and it is basically just like an artificial construction of defenses. The personality, but also like the emotional regime that one has, emotional management regime, and so on and so forth.)
- Time 0:33:25
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(highlight:: Navigating and rerouting styles of engagement in conversations
Summary:
Sometimes I choose not to engage in certain conversations and that's okay.
Other times, I try to open up the conversation by making a rhetorical move. When I want to make a point, I lead by example, regardless of how others respond.
It's not about proving a point, but showing a different way of existing and hoping others will join in.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
I like the on the spot introspection that's great I think what's happened so sometimes I bounce sometimes I'm like I don't think this this interaction is worth salvaging in a particular Way and it's really it has no like if I walk into some at this conference we're going to go to I walk into some circle of people that are engaging in this way I think early version of me would Have wanted to contribute so bad and would have felt so like ashamed that I couldn't if I walked into something like that now it's more like oh this is a style of engagement that these people Like and are comfortable with or they're just doing it right they're just there and I don't need to partake which is fine so that might happen another thing can be if I feel like it's not Beyond salvaging I'll try to do a like rhetorical move that will open the conversation up a bit and make it a little bit more exploratory and like open heart and so on and so forth that is Ideal that's like one of the nicer ways to have that happen sometimes when I am trying to prove a point I will do the in-heartened thing even though I know it won't land and like sort of want To make a statement about like the way this discourse is going and then like leave how do you be in heartened and try to prove a point at the same time it's sort of like leading by example It's like I'm I'm gonna do this regardless of what you got you all are doing and I like hope you will do it too but you probably won't choose to pick that up or know what I'm saying and that's Okay you know so it's not like prove a point like fuck all of you it's like here's some possible way you can exist which is like this and if you think that's cool I would love to continue interacting With you type of thing)
- Time 0:53:47
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(highlight:: Vulnerability: Saying Things That Are True To You Even When It's Scary
Summary:
I used to think vulnerability was bad and irrational, but now I understand it as speaking your truth even when it's scary or has consequences.
Making vulnerable reveals in conversations can immediately deepen the connection.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Well before I did this course I thought vulnerability was basically bad it was basically irrational it was basically this thing where you open up yourself to attack and then people Can poke your squishy insides and that people do it because they want to get closer to other people because they're insecure and they don't want to just do it a normal like well paced slowly Getting to know someone and only revealing things when it's actually safe so I used to be have this fairly negative view about vulnerability but their definition of vulnerability Is when you speak your truth even when it's scary or you speak your truth despite the consequences and this is a more empowered version of vulnerability where you notice oh wow there's A thing that's a bit scary I could say that and because it's true for me and then and then it turns out when you just make vulnerable reveals in this in this way it immediately goes to very Potent parts of the conversation)
- Time 1:04:06
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(highlight:: Empathy is Multiplicative: Tune Into Your Own Feelings To Better Understand What Others Might Be Feeling
Summary:
I always thought I was empathetic, but I realized that I was too focused on other people's experiences and neglecting my own.
True empathy is feeling the other person while also feeling yourself. It's about putting some attention in your body and some in theirs.
I used to completely ignore my own body, while others never paid attention to the other person.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
This change my view of empathy because I always thought I'm a really empathetic person I like I'm just a sponge for other people's experience but what happened was that by being a sponge For other people's experience I would leave myself and then there are the opposite side of of this which is that people are so in their own experience that they don't like feel the other People they define empathy out of accomplishment defines empathy as feeling the other person while also feeling yourself and so the simple thing um well yeah basically the simple Thing is to put some of your attention in your body and some of your attention in their body and uh quite often people will do sort of like I used to basically leave my body entirely and then There are other people who like never sort of put that attention in the other person and incidentally I found out that when I did this)
- Time 1:06:53
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(highlight:: Difference between living in the moment and living on autopilot
Summary:
There is a difference between living in the moment and living on autopilot.
Living in the moment is free, light, and elating, while living on autopilot feels constricted and unpleasant.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
There's a difference between fully living in the moment and living on autopilot which can look kind of similar like like both of them don't have this self-reflection thing where you're Constantly going in and checking out like oh how am I doing you know how's the situation like both of them are just like fully there in a certain way you said one is closed off habitual won't Deviate from the existing habit and the other one is this free light able to change direction at any time able to come up with new ideas I don't know I mean the experience of being in the Moment is is just like quite a light easy there's some kind of elation associated quite often not always but quite often whereas autopilot feels constricted and yeah unpleasant)
- Time 1:27:46
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(highlight:: The Cult of Doing: Finding Effortless Flow with the Alexander Technique
Summary:
The Alexander technique offers a way to achieve unity of mind and body, allowing for freedom and flexibility in daily life.
It teaches techniques to break free from habits and autopilot behavior, leading to a state of effortless flow and increased creativity.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
This framework which is kind of what I've been doing so so the stuff about getting out of your head and and getting more embodied and everything those are the results the framework itself Is well it comes back to this non-doing thing we we go through life and we think that we need to try we think that we need to put effort into what we do we need to focus we need to make ourselves Do the right thing and all of this effort that we put in is unnecessary and not only do we do all that on the on the obvious level of oh I've got this to-do list that I need to get done and I guess I will make myself do my homework or whatever on the minutest of physical movements we do this when we are sitting up from a chair almost everyone when they are trying to get out of a chair Will kind of heave themselves up they will they will start tensing their back before their bum has even left the chair and they will be thinking as if they are already standing up and and Using a lot of excess tension and it's because they are they are trying to already be at that end point and we do this with all sorts of physical movements and we do it with all sorts of mental Movements as well so like the to-do list and just like in life in general and so so it's the the cult of doing as as FM Alexander said and so what is the alternative well so people think that Either it's doing efforting or that or it's like doing nothing you know not getting anything done I guess I'm just going to be a lazy slob I'll watch TV whatever and there is a thing that Is neither doing nor doing nothing or being lazy which is the the effortless the flow the your entire system is acting to do the action or to to think about the thing or like like you are You are acting in unison and so Alexander technique is the field of how do you actually get to that acting in unison unity mind-body unity state and then it has some particular techniques To to do that and some particular ways of noticing when you are going into your habits when you're going into your autopilot and getting out of that and so fundamentally it's about how To have like more freedom in your life so that you're not constricting and therefore only doing like one particular thing but you are available to do whatever like you're available To change what you're doing partway through to available to new ideas that sort of stuff)
- Time 1:31:47
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(highlight:: Awareness: What information you allow to reach you
Summary:
Awareness is the direction from which you can get information.
It affects how you react to the world. Being aware of just your phone screen makes you hunch over, but if you're also aware of the space around you, you naturally expand to fill it.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
So awareness and the way i think about it now is that awareness is the the direction from which you can get information so which information are you allowing to reach you and anyway so I was reading this thing and i was like oh that's you know that's quite interesting ah i do notice that when i'm just aware of my phone screen then uh and the world is collapsing around me Uh then then i'm kind of more hunched over whereas if i'm holding my phone and i'm also aware of the space behind me and the space above me then i sort of naturally uh expand to fill out that Space)
- Time 1:47:18
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(highlight:: Energy Economy: How your energy is distributed and moves throughout your life
Summary:
Energy economy is a key aspect of my coaching.
It involves examining how you allocate and invest your energy in various activities. This includes managing effort levels, converting energy, and coping with limited resources.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
Energy economy is a really huge piece of my my coaching that I talk to people about essentially it's examining from like a bird's eye view or you could call it like a mission control how You are allocating energy that you have in your life and that can be like levels of effort of various kinds or yeah literally how you're investing doing a bunch of things how you're converting It how you're trying to get more how you deal with having less how you deal with having an excess)
- Time 2:07:28
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