(highlight:: Civil Inattention: Acknowledging Strangers Without Engaging
Key takeaways:
• There was a sociologist named Irving Goughman who coined the term 'civil inattention'.
• Civil inattention refers to the default polite posture towards strangers in public.
• It involves acknowledging someone's existence and then completely withdrawing attention.
• One example of civil inattention is when both individuals in a bathroom briefly make eye contact in the mirror and then focus on washing their hands.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
There was a sociologist named Irving Goughman who called that barrier civil in attention and it's essentially you know the default polite posture that we have towards strangers in Public. It's like essentially saying I see that you exist and then you completely withdraw your attention from them and look away and look at your phone and leave them alone. This is like what always happens in the bathroom when you're both washing your hands. Yes that's right the brief eye contact in the mirror the tight smile and then you look down and you're washing your hands like very, very, solidarily.)
- Time 0:11:38
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(highlight:: Being An Aggressive Community Builder
Key takeaways:
• Events should be run by the people themselves.
• Personalizing events by mentioning the real person hosting can have a greater impact.
• An aggressive host can help bring people together and break the ice.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
Yeah you know we need to have some of these events run by the people themselves and if kind of a faceless developer or property manager does it if they personalized it by saying the real Person that was hosting it. It might have more of an effect. You know you also have to have an aggressive host even though it seems like it's really annoying to be the host that says, Hey I got to know you and I got to know you and so you should talk because You're both nurses and you two both have third graders you guys should talk. You know that is the type of thing that brings people together it's not just automatic of you know you lay out Valentine's Day cookies and everyone's going to talk because you have to Have someone that breaks the ice and brings people together.)
- Time 0:17:17
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(highlight:: Stop Playing the Prisoner's Dilemma With People in Your Community
Transcript:
Speaker 2
Yeah but you know I've always believed that this isn't something that we need to overthink you know you have to just walk up to a neighbor in some way and invite them to be closer to you which Is obviously really awkward it's so awkward that it's the reason we're all not neighborly with each other. But everyone is waiting for someone to do that to them you know that's the funny thing and in some ways we're all playing a prisoner's dilemma with each other where it's like I don't trust Them or I don't trust them to trust me and they're thinking in their head I don't trust them or I don't trust them to trust me or maybe they don't trust me or whatever and the way to break that Prisoner's dilemma with each other is for someone to go a little bit above and beyond to have an active vulnerability and so a gift is one example of that which is I want out of my way to show You an active good will to show you not only that I'm trust worthy a little bit more but also that I think your trust worthy a little bit more mentioned the concert)
- Time 0:18:40
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(highlight:: Two Perspectices For Connecting With Others: I And It v.s. I And You
Transcript:
Speaker 2
The book that changed my life more than any other it's called I Am Now by Martin Boober who is a Jewish theologian from early 20th century he lays out these two ways of relating to the world Because it I am it and I am now or I am you and what I am it is is you see everything around you you see other people but also the whole world you see them as objects it's that have served purposes In your life only reflecting what they are to you how they bother you or how they help you how they're different from you how they're similar to you I and you relates to all the rest of the World as you they are fellow subjects they are also players in the video game of life they are full of life they have a depth that you can understand when you really are engaging with them And you let all of the ways that they measure up or help you or facilitate you or bother you or compare with everything else when you let that fall away you're like bathed in the light of Their shared reality with you they're also there and even just a small victory in that fight by building a tiny relationship with one other person isn't a small thing it's everything)
- Time 0:23:52
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