How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever

@created:: 2024-01-24
@tags:: #lit✍/🎧podcast/highlights
@links::
@ref:: How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever
@author:: The Inforium

2023-12-30 The Inforium - How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever

Book cover of "How to Never Have Friends and Be Alone Forever"

Reference

Notes

Quote

(highlight:: The 3 Second Rule: Talk to Strangers Within Three Seconds or Don't Talk to Them At All
Summary:
The three second rule is a mental hack that encourages making a decision to approach someone within three seconds to avoid overthinking and self-doubt.
Overthinking can lead to constructing reasons to avoid taking action, as humans tend to mitigate risks by sticking to the known and perceiving the unknown as dangerous.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I do want to mention something called the three second rule. This is a pretty useful little mental hack. So essentially, if you see somebody and you want to go talk to them, whether it's a networking event or it's a cute girl at the bar or whatever, the three second rule says that you may need To make the decision to go up and talk to them or not within three seconds and then commit to it. Because if you give yourself permission to think about whether or not you should, you will always construct some reason in your head as to why it's a bad idea. Because humans are risk mitigators. Yeah. And we love to construct an narrative to explain why the unknown is probably dangerous and why the known is probably safe and we should stick with it.)
- Time 0:09:42
- snipddont-post, decision-making, connection, social_connection, avoidance, fear, friendship, commitment, frameworks, trust,

Quote

(highlight:: Temporary Sand Art as a Metaphor for Appreciating the Emphemerality of Life
Summary:
Creating a mandala using colored sand, only to sweep it away after completion, illustrates the concept of appreciating the ephemerality of life and finding beauty in transient experiences.
Despite initially struggling with the idea of impermanence and the need to build something lasting, the speaker came to realize the value of enjoying life's fleeting moments, acknowledging that the joy lies in embracing the temporary nature of existence and finding meaning in the present.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Like in college, and maybe even in high school once Buddhist monks came, actually, yeah, it's happened in high school. Buddhist monks came to my school to build a mandala, which is this circular piece of art that is made over the course of like a week of full-time hours, just laying colored sand in intricate Patterns. And it takes the monks, I think, eight hours a day for five days to make this. And basically the moment they're done, they do a little ceremony and they sweep it away. Yeah, I love it. And when I was in high school, my brain raged at this. I was like, how could you spend 40 hours making this beautiful piece of art and then just sweep it away immediately? Like you didn't even take any time to appreciate it. And the point of the mandala, as I understand it, I'm sure there's more nuance to it that I don't get right now. But the point is to appreciate the ephemerality of life and appreciate that there is beauty in that and there's beauty in the experiences we have, even though they don't last and even Though they pass. And yeah, when I was in high school, I was just like, no, I got to build something that lasts. And nothing is worthwhile unless it is something that's like permanent, but nothing's permanent. Yeah, you know, and I think a lot of people struggle with that because it was like, well, if nothing's permanent, what's the point? Nothing lasts. Well, at least for me, the point is that we enjoy it while it does, whatever it is.)
- Time 0:22:54
- snipdpost-queue, emphemerality, hedonism, life, metaphors, impermanence, gratitude,

Quote

(highlight:: Turn One Dimensional Friendships Multi-Dimensional Through Diverse, Shared Experiences
Summary:
Expand friendships beyond single activities by inviting friends to diverse activities such as Halloween parties or movies.
By doing so, friends can avoid feeling limited to one dimension and seize new opportunities. It's important for someone to take the lead in broadening the friendship.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
But when you make a friend in one dimension, the way to sort of take that friendship further is to invite them to do something that has nothing to do with that dimension that you're used To hanging out with them in. So if you have like a rock climbing partner, invite them over for a Halloween party or ask them to go out to a movie or something.
Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, let them know that they're not boxed in. Yep. Yeah.
Speaker 1
I think it's very easy to feel like, on that person's rock climbing friend. That's it.
Speaker 3
Yeah.
Speaker 2
And then they might shut down opportunities because they're like, they don't want to hang out with me. I just rock climb with them. And if you haven't sent them any different signals, then you're both, you're both holding back because you've decided to get stuck in a box. Yeah.
Speaker 1
So someone's got to be a leader.)
- Time 0:41:46
- snipddont-post, relationship_strength, relationships, connection, friendship, social_connection,

Quote

(highlight:: Building Friendships: Longer, Less Frequent Hang Outs > Shorter, More Frequent
Summary:
Spending longer time per session counts more in building friendships, compared to shorter, more frequent hang outs.
Greater depth is achieved through longer, less frequent interactions, rather than shorter, more frequent ones.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
The other thing though is I think the the longer you spend per session, the more it counts. Yeah, like, oh, I just met you for trivia night for 30 minutes every other week. Like over the course of six months, then you do rack up a pretty significant amount of time. But I think if you hung out for like several hours, it's not deep time.)
- Time 0:46:49
- snipddont-post, connection, friendship, relationship_strength, relationships, social_connection,