(highlight:: The Life Dinner: Setting Aside 1 Hour Each Month to Talk About Life With Your Partner
Transcript:
Speaker 1
So I read about this for the first time several years ago as an entrepreneur named Brad Feld who had written a blog post, I think about it and published it. I had read it and sort of just like logged it in the back of my mind as something that was interesting. Basically, the idea is you set in his version, you set a single monthly date, like call it the first Monday of every single month. My wife or my partner and I are going to sit down over a dinner at some special place or at home, make a dinner, just the two of you and really have like a semi structured discussion of important Things in your life. Like what's the most important thing in your professional life right now? What's the most important thing in your personal life? What are you focusing on? What are the kind of like things that are bugging you? What's the tension in your life, et cetera? Just really have like an open, thoughtful hour plus discussion one on one. And the idea is that life over time becomes more and more chaotic and you're not able to do that. And so having like a true line in the sand that you're going to do this at least once a month is a good way to just make sure that it's happening and continue to progress your relationship.)
- Time 0:04:24
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(highlight:: Prepare Tasks/Workspace the Night Before, So Your Morning Self Knows Exactly What to Do
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Like if I wake up in the morning and I don't know what my first task is going to be the day, I end up doing the easiest dumbest task that doesn't actually drive anything forward. So what I had to do to systematize and make sure that that doesn't happen is the night before I decide what I'm going to do the next morning and I get it set up. Like if I need to work on a particularly challenging section of my book, I'm going to open up that section and I'm going to be zoomed in on that section so that when I get to my desk and open It up, that's the only choice that I have. It's sitting right there. And that's just like you're creating systems so that things get a little bit easier for you to go and tackle to fight that natural tendency to just be a sloth.)
- Time 0:11:24
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(highlight:: Systemizing Things Saves Time & Energy, Leaving More For Creativity & Spontaneity
Transcript:
Speaker 2
And what Dan Martell says in the book, which I found myself like fully agreeing with is that the system does not reduce spontaneity and creativity. It actually increases it because it means you now don't have to think about that. Like I know when I have like my date nights pre-scheduled with a girlfriend in the calendar for the next like three months based on our various schedules. That means that every other evening, if you're coming over, I can be like, oh, I've got this evening free.)
- Time 0:12:29
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(highlight:: Establish Non-Negotiables For Each of Your Life's Areas
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I think having a set of non-negotiables has been a system for almost everything in my life. You know, I say health, but having a set of non-negotiables for your health, for your relationships, for your kind of like just daily existence, for your professional career, I think Is extremely important. What I mean by that is here are the three to five things that I must do every day to function at my best. So for me personally, like on the on the physical side, I'm a big believer that in order to show up as a husband and as a father in the way that I want to, I have to take care of myself physically And mentally. And that is love for those other people around me just as much as it is love for myself. Because if I'm not doing those things, I'm not the type of person that I want to be. I'm not taking care of myself in the way that I should and I can't show up for them. And for me, that means I need to do 60 minutes of physical activity a day. I need to get in the cold plunge every single morning and I need to be outside and going for a couple of walks every single day. If I do those three things, I know no matter what, everything else can go to shit. And my day is great in that regard and I'm able to show up in the way that I want to. So having that set of non-negotiables, like no matter what, I'm going to do these couple of things. It's really important in every area of your life.)
- Time 0:14:27
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(highlight:: Nurturing Relationships: Reach Out to People During Idle Time or When You Think of Them
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And so my thing is there is, you know, maybe 20, 30, 40 people in your life that are friends that, you know, you feel have impacted you and will continue to over a period of time. And you want to make sure that those friendships don't atrophy. And it's very easy to let them atrophy. And we're all guilty of that in some way, shape or form because life takes over. You just are like doing things and stuff's happening. You don't live in the same place as the person, whatever. But it's very easy to find 10 minutes when you're out on a walk to just like text someone or call them and just say like, hey, what's thinking of you? What's going on? How are things? But if you don't have like a forcing function to do it, we just don't. You forget like life just happens. And so I'm, I mean, this is one of my new things from 2023 is I'm trying to do that at least once a week. Just call someone and just say like, Hey, what's going on? I was thinking about you. What's what's new in your life? And the challenge with calling is a lot of times people don't pick up. So sometimes it turns into a text and then it leads to an interesting conversation, whatever it might be, just finding a reason to kind of like ping those people that you don't necessarily Talk to every single day and catch up with them.)
- Time 0:18:00
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(highlight:: The biggest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50
Transcript:
Speaker 1
The single greatest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50. The Harvard study of adult development found that longitudinal study 80 plus years. That was what they found. The single greatest predictor of health at 80 was relationship satisfaction of 50. What does that mean to me? It means that I really, really care deeply about building and fostering deep relationships with people.)
- Time 0:19:59
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(highlight:: Cherish Time with Parents and Let Go of Friendships with Seasons
Transcript:
Speaker 1
It's terrifying to think that you can actually just count that on like, you know, almost on two hands at that point, especially when you feel as close to them as I did. And so within 45 days of hearing that, we sold our house in California, moved back across to the East Coast and bought a house in the New York area so that we could be closer to our parents. And now, you know, we have a young kid, they get to be a part of their grandson's life. They're around all the time. I see my parents, you know, at least twice a month, maybe more. And it's an amazing thing. Just getting to have those like nothing moments where you're just hanging out, where you're just talking to them. It's like there's absolutely no replacement for that. And it's something I will never regret as long as I live. So with parents, I think it's really important to realize they're just not going to be around forever. With friends, I think it's a little bit of a different story because you have seasons to your life. There's not one, you know, one act to your life play where you're the same person for the entirety of your life, nor your friends, the same person over the entirety of their lives. And so there are some friends who are great fit for one season of your life and aren't going to be there in the next one. And that's okay. You don't have to keep trying to jam them in there. I have some amazing friends for my high school years, who I'm no longer close with. I think they're lovely people. They're great in their own different ways. But we're just in different worlds now.)
- Time 0:21:18
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(highlight:: Default To Empathy: Negative Interactions are Often the Result of Past or Current Trauma
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And the most powerful thing I've ever read on this is like you should default to empathy when you see someone react that way. Because there's something going on in their life. I just had a conversation with a friend who had encountered this who said that he shot a message to the person that had sent the negative thought and said, like, Hey, I hope you're, I hope You're all right. You know, I hope everything's fine. And the person replied and said, basically, sorry, you know, my wife, my, my wife recently got diagnosed with cancer. And so the way that you worded this thing, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And that's why I reacted negatively. And he said to me, like, you know, what a thing. Cause I would have replied really negatively to his response. But instead I defaulted to empathy and realized that there was this really challenging moment in this person's life.)
- Time 0:26:47
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(highlight:: Deferred Happiness Syndrome & Time/Happiness Discounting
Transcript:
Speaker 1
There's this tendency of humans of like deferred happiness syndrome. Like, Oh, I'm going to do all those things once I get to this point in my life, I'm going to go on that vacation, travel the world once I can afford it or once I've saved up this amount of money Or once I've reached this phase of my career, because I don't want to sacrifice a year of my career, you know, trajectory now and then have to start back there next year. And the reality is you're never going to do those things. And if you do do them later down the line, you're just going to enjoy it less time in the future is worth less than time today. It's just discounting. You know, it's the same as money, right? Like a dollar in the future is worth less than a dollar today. It's the same with time. Like, you know, a year, a year long trip around the world at age 55. Is less fun than a year long trip at age 35, because the things you can do as a 35 year old single person traveling the world are unbelievable. Like I had a friend recently who I had this discussion with who is 27 years old. He was on a path, you know, consulting, getting promoted, pat it on the back. McKinsey, like things are great. You're at, you know, you went, you're winning the game. Like you're going to be a partner by 30. And that's like you're calling card to life, like Indian parents, man, you're like really, really nail and winning the game. And he wanted to go travel for a year rather than doing an MBA. He wanted to go travel and see different cultures. He had never traveled much. And he said, all of the partners are telling me it's like the worst decision because I'm going to miss out on this year's year of growth. And then I'm not going to make partner by 30. It might take until I'm 32. And so I don't think I'm going to do it. And I was like, dude, you're an idiot. I just was like, that is the dumbest reason to not do it. Because those years, you're never going to do this again. This is your one chance to do this. You can tell yourself, Oh, I'm going to do it. You know, I'll do it. You know, once I've been a partner for a while and I made a bunch of money, I'll do it when I'm 50. You won't because you're going to have kids that are in school. You're going to have kids that you're going to have to pay to go and do all sorts of different activities. You might have a wife, you know, you're going to be all over the place. And your career is just going to have this gravity. It gets harder and harder to do over the course of your life. So if you don't do it, now you're not going to do it. So if you're comfortable with that, then that's fine. You can make that decision. But don't convince yourself that you're not doing it today. Because you'll do it later.)
- Time 0:40:42
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(highlight:: The Yes, Damn Effect
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Effect is this idea that we say yes to things and then later say, damn, why did I say yes to this? And it's so true with most people. Like you say yes to something with the assumption that you're going to have more time a month from now. So you say like, Oh, yeah, I'll do that call next month or yeah, I'll do that speaking engagement next month, because I'm going to have much more time after the book. I'm going to have much more time after X, Y, or Z finishes. I'm going to have much more time after the semester ends or whatever it is. And then you get there and you're like, damn, why did I say yes to that? So the rule with the yes, damn effect is any time you say yes to something under the assumption that you're going to have more time for that thing in the future, you should just say no instead, Because you're never going to have more time in the future unless there's something actually structurally changing in your life where you're going to like make a whole bunch more time Or you're quitting your job and you like there's something massive structurally changing. You're not going to have more time in the future, especially not as an ambitious person, you're just going to take on some new thing that is going to fill that time.)
- Time 0:44:54
- commitments, individual_capacity, opportunities, regret, time_management, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Early Career Strategy: Identify High Leverage Opportunities and Exploit Them in Your 30s
Transcript:
Speaker 2
And actually your twenties are, you know, to quote Gary V, your twenties are for hustling. Oh, actually, I don't know if that's what Gary V says these days, but your twenties are for hustling and trying to get ahead in your career so that you can actually set yourself up financially To be more chill and have more free time and stuff in your thirties when you have a kid for the first time and have the flexibility to spend more time at home. And it feels to me like that's kind of one side of the equation, the kind of actually it's worth working the extra hours at McKinsey to get ahead to build up that flexibility versus, hey, I just want to travel the world for five years. And then what if you end up in a place where actually financially you're not able to hop in a plane on Monday and chill in a restaurant with you.
Speaker 1
I mean, I'm 32. So I'm after my heart. I did and I did that. I did the 80 to 100 hour weeks from the time I was 22 and the time I was 30 basically until I was 29.
Speaker 2
It seems like now you're chilling. Yeah.
Speaker 1
And that built a financial foundation that mattered and it allowed me to actually see where the gold was on my playing field. Like, you know, if I had a map that I was uncovering as like a video game character around my map, I spent those years working so much that I found all of the different areas of my map and where I thought the gold was, like where my highest leverage opportunities were to go deep. And then I'm able to dig in those areas, which might not take more than a couple hours a day and do much better because I'm just digging up gold. I'm not digging up a bunch of crap. And so that matters. Like, I really do believe that. The problem is the people that say like, I'm going to hustle in my 20s so that I can chill and spend time with my kids in my 30s. They are not going to do that. They are not going to chill and spend time with their kids in their 30s. They're just going to keep hustling because you get to your 30s and you're on a track like Adam McKenzie or at an investment bank or as a doctor or whatever. And then what you say is like, Oh, well, you know, now I'm now I'm doing well. I want to do even better. Like now I made my first million. I want to make three million. I want to make five million because what it is is it's a mirage. You're like, it's not just an age where all of a sudden you wake up and you're like, now I'm going to spend time with my kids. Everything's great. No, you're like a VP and you have tons of responsibilities. And the gravity of that career track has only increased, keeping you in it. And the golden handcuffs have only increased because your lifestyle has crept up over those years. So now, you know, you might be making half a million dollars a year feeling rich, but your whole life is crept up. You're living in a nice apartment. You know, you've got high tax rate. You like got the nice car that took cost you a thousand dollars a month. And all of a sudden you're like, well, crap, I actually got to make a million dollars for myself to feel rich. And then you make a million and you're like, damn, I got to make two million dollars to actually feel rich. And so what happens is you don't get to 30 and start chilling to hang out with your kids. You hustle through your 30s thinking I'm going to I'm going to chill at 40. And then you get to 40 and maybe you are ready to chill, but your kids don't want to hang out with you anymore because they're 10 and they have friends. Like the time from by the time there's zero to 10. I've seen someone call it the magic years, like that period from zero to 10, where they actually care about you so much. Like you are their favorite person in the entire world. And yet we work so hard during that period of time. We have no time or traveling. We're doing whatever it is. And that's a real travesty, in my opinion. And so if you could actually do that, if you could hustle in your 20s to build the foundation, to figure out your highest leverage opportunities and then dive in to where those high leverage Opportunities are, that's what I'm doing. And I think it's amazing if you can make it work, but most people won't do that.)
- Time 0:48:09
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(highlight:: A Modern Definition for "Retirement"
Transcript:
Speaker 2
What does retirement mean? And I think I kind of sort of synthesize this into like three things. Retirement is either where you have so much money that you're, you're expensive to take care of and therefore you don't need to work. Or where your expenses are so low that the money you do have coming in is like, you know, the lean fire and all that kind of stuff is so low that actually you're a functionally retired and You don't need to work. Or where the stuff that you're doing for work is the stuff you would be doing anyway, and therefore you feel like you don't need to work.)
- Time 0:55:48
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(highlight:: Being a Guide Instead of a Guru: Helping Others While On Your Own Journey
Transcript:
Speaker 2
I, you know, came across an interesting way of thinking about this through my writing coach a couple of years ago, which was you don't need to be a guru, you can be a guide instead, like Guide versus guru. And you sometimes don't even need to be a guide. You can be a fellow traveler along the same path.
Speaker 1
Yeah, stumbling traveler. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And I think about that a lot. This is why still to this day, a lot of our videos are titled like how I do X, like I was working on one right now about how I manage my time, where I was thinking, yeah, this video, I'm just Going to share three strategies, plus like a Google sheet template that I've been getting a lot of value out in the last six months to help me take better care of my time.)
- Time 1:16:29
- content_creation, teaching, writing, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Voluntary Struggle: Daily Cold Plunge/Showers To Help Foster A Life of Agency & Discipline
Transcript:
Speaker 1
The cold plunge for me, there are all sorts of physical health benefits that are purported. You know, that like different studies have found that to me, like if any of that is true, that's all upside in bonus. I view it as a purely mental activity where I wake up first thing in the morning and I have to exert a degree of mind control in order to get myself to do this because I don't want to do it. It's miserable. And then you're getting into freezing cold water out on my deck, which is outside in the cold. I got out of my warm bed for 30 in the mornings pitch black and I have to go outside on my deck and go get into this water. And for me, every single morning, I, you know, the mental gymnastics starts up like, I don't need to do this. I could do it later. It actually be better for me if I do it later because then I'll like really stay in there longer, whatever, you start convincing yourself. And I have to exert that control over myself to say like, nope, I said, I'm going to do this. I'm going to go outside and I'm going to do it. And when you do that, it's like a little bit of confirmation bias in your life where your beliefs start creating your reality, your beliefs about yourself as a disciplined person that Does the things that you say you're going to do, start getting confirmed by evidence that you're accruing. You create like a little positive momentum of this piece of evidence that you just put on the board that you are doing the things that you say you're going to do. And that momentum starts bleeding out into everywhere else in your life. And so I do that every single morning as a way to just like get uncomfortable and take on some level of voluntary struggle so that whenever the involuntary struggles of life happen, I'm More well prepared for them. I also find it to be the most peaceful gratitude practice that I can have. I like go and I sit in the water and you're like feeling this crazy experience of like the sensations of like your body is kind of screaming stressful situation and you need to force yourself To just slow down. And every morning when I do that, I just list off things that I'm feeling particularly grateful for, you know, my son, my wife, family, you know, a bird that's flying overhead, whatever It is, like things that I'm just observing or noticing in the moment. And it just forces you to like really slow down your world and stop for one moment every single morning prior to the whole day going into chaos.)
- Time 1:23:26
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(highlight:: The Obstacle is the Way: Struggle Adds Meaning, Texture, & Novelty to Our Lives
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I don't think you would find incredible meaning in a life where you only did things that you were like super excited to do. That's just not that lacks texture, right? Like that lacks those feelings, the tension, the like the struggle on a daily basis that actually creates some level of meaning in our lives. Like when we don't embrace friction, we've lived in this world where friction has been consistently reduced over our entire lifetime. Technology has just reduced the amount of friction in everything. You don't longer have to go to the store if you don't want to. You no longer have to talk to people if you don't want to. If you want to go out and date, you don't have to actually take on the fear of approaching someone at the bar. You can just do it through an app and decide if you like each other before. Actually, I have an immediate person. Friction has just gone like this over time. And at some point, friction actually was what created meaning in our lives. Like it was what led to the funny stories of like, oh, I walked up to that girl and she rejected me. And then I slipped and fell. And it's really funny. You like later get to talk about that. And I often wonder, are our lives going to be significantly less interesting than our parents and grandparents? Like when I hear my mom who grew up in India, tell stories about her childhood or my grandmother, you know, in India, tell stories about her childhood, they are so interesting. They're day to day lives because they didn't have phones. They didn't have anything. They were out. They had to do things. They had to like go roam through the streets and meet up with friends and get into all sorts of hijinks. And I kind of got to do that when I was a kid where the last generation that got to do that when we were kids. Now everyone is kids are sitting on their phones all day. They're like playing video games all day. They're on their computers all day. They're not allowed to go anywhere without tons of supervision. And I really wonder like with my own son, what is he going to do? Like, what is he going to tell people at a cocktail party? Like what stories? What funny moments is he going to have from his childhood? Because I think we're just steadily reducing the friction that exists. And as a result, steadily reducing the interesting things and the interesting moments that are happening on a daily basis.)
- Time 1:29:37
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(highlight:: It's Never a Lack of Time, It's a Lack of Priorities
Transcript:
Speaker 1
We make time for the things we care about. And it's never a lack of time. It's always a lack of priorities. And so if something really matters to you, you'll make time in the calendar for it. It'll become a part of your ideal week. I do think that that week framework is a really good adaptation of my day.)
- Time 1:43:26
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(highlight:: The Life Dinner: Setting Aside 1 Hour Each Month to Talk About Life With Your Partner
Transcript:
Speaker 1
So I read about this for the first time several years ago as an entrepreneur named Brad Feld who had written a blog post, I think about it and published it. I had read it and sort of just like logged it in the back of my mind as something that was interesting. Basically, the idea is you set in his version, you set a single monthly date, like call it the first Monday of every single month. My wife or my partner and I are going to sit down over a dinner at some special place or at home, make a dinner, just the two of you and really have like a semi structured discussion of important Things in your life. Like what's the most important thing in your professional life right now? What's the most important thing in your personal life? What are you focusing on? What are the kind of like things that are bugging you? What's the tension in your life, et cetera? Just really have like an open, thoughtful hour plus discussion one on one. And the idea is that life over time becomes more and more chaotic and you're not able to do that. And so having like a true line in the sand that you're going to do this at least once a month is a good way to just make sure that it's happening and continue to progress your relationship.)
- Time 0:04:24
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(highlight:: Prepare Tasks/Workspace the Night Before, So Your Morning Self Knows Exactly What to Do
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Like if I wake up in the morning and I don't know what my first task is going to be the day, I end up doing the easiest dumbest task that doesn't actually drive anything forward. So what I had to do to systematize and make sure that that doesn't happen is the night before I decide what I'm going to do the next morning and I get it set up. Like if I need to work on a particularly challenging section of my book, I'm going to open up that section and I'm going to be zoomed in on that section so that when I get to my desk and open It up, that's the only choice that I have. It's sitting right there. And that's just like you're creating systems so that things get a little bit easier for you to go and tackle to fight that natural tendency to just be a sloth.)
- Time 0:11:24
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(highlight:: Systemizing Things Saves Time & Energy, Leaving More For Creativity & Spontaneity
Transcript:
Speaker 2
And what Dan Martell says in the book, which I found myself like fully agreeing with is that the system does not reduce spontaneity and creativity. It actually increases it because it means you now don't have to think about that. Like I know when I have like my date nights pre-scheduled with a girlfriend in the calendar for the next like three months based on our various schedules. That means that every other evening, if you're coming over, I can be like, oh, I've got this evening free.)
- Time 0:12:29
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(highlight:: Establish Non-Negotiables For Each of Your Life's Areas
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I think having a set of non-negotiables has been a system for almost everything in my life. You know, I say health, but having a set of non-negotiables for your health, for your relationships, for your kind of like just daily existence, for your professional career, I think Is extremely important. What I mean by that is here are the three to five things that I must do every day to function at my best. So for me personally, like on the on the physical side, I'm a big believer that in order to show up as a husband and as a father in the way that I want to, I have to take care of myself physically And mentally. And that is love for those other people around me just as much as it is love for myself. Because if I'm not doing those things, I'm not the type of person that I want to be. I'm not taking care of myself in the way that I should and I can't show up for them. And for me, that means I need to do 60 minutes of physical activity a day. I need to get in the cold plunge every single morning and I need to be outside and going for a couple of walks every single day. If I do those three things, I know no matter what, everything else can go to shit. And my day is great in that regard and I'm able to show up in the way that I want to. So having that set of non-negotiables, like no matter what, I'm going to do these couple of things. It's really important in every area of your life.)
- Time 0:14:27
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(highlight:: Nurturing Relationships: Reach Out to People During Idle Time or When You Think of Them
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And so my thing is there is, you know, maybe 20, 30, 40 people in your life that are friends that, you know, you feel have impacted you and will continue to over a period of time. And you want to make sure that those friendships don't atrophy. And it's very easy to let them atrophy. And we're all guilty of that in some way, shape or form because life takes over. You just are like doing things and stuff's happening. You don't live in the same place as the person, whatever. But it's very easy to find 10 minutes when you're out on a walk to just like text someone or call them and just say like, hey, what's thinking of you? What's going on? How are things? But if you don't have like a forcing function to do it, we just don't. You forget like life just happens. And so I'm, I mean, this is one of my new things from 2023 is I'm trying to do that at least once a week. Just call someone and just say like, Hey, what's going on? I was thinking about you. What's what's new in your life? And the challenge with calling is a lot of times people don't pick up. So sometimes it turns into a text and then it leads to an interesting conversation, whatever it might be, just finding a reason to kind of like ping those people that you don't necessarily Talk to every single day and catch up with them.)
- Time 0:18:00
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(highlight:: The biggest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50
Transcript:
Speaker 1
The single greatest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50. The Harvard study of adult development found that longitudinal study 80 plus years. That was what they found. The single greatest predictor of health at 80 was relationship satisfaction of 50. What does that mean to me? It means that I really, really care deeply about building and fostering deep relationships with people.)
- Time 0:19:59
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(highlight:: Cherish Time with Parents and Let Go of Friendships with Seasons
Transcript:
Speaker 1
It's terrifying to think that you can actually just count that on like, you know, almost on two hands at that point, especially when you feel as close to them as I did. And so within 45 days of hearing that, we sold our house in California, moved back across to the East Coast and bought a house in the New York area so that we could be closer to our parents. And now, you know, we have a young kid, they get to be a part of their grandson's life. They're around all the time. I see my parents, you know, at least twice a month, maybe more. And it's an amazing thing. Just getting to have those like nothing moments where you're just hanging out, where you're just talking to them. It's like there's absolutely no replacement for that. And it's something I will never regret as long as I live. So with parents, I think it's really important to realize they're just not going to be around forever. With friends, I think it's a little bit of a different story because you have seasons to your life. There's not one, you know, one act to your life play where you're the same person for the entirety of your life, nor your friends, the same person over the entirety of their lives. And so there are some friends who are great fit for one season of your life and aren't going to be there in the next one. And that's okay. You don't have to keep trying to jam them in there. I have some amazing friends for my high school years, who I'm no longer close with. I think they're lovely people. They're great in their own different ways. But we're just in different worlds now.)
- Time 0:21:18
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(highlight:: Default To Empathy: Negative Interactions are Often the Result of Past or Current Trauma
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And the most powerful thing I've ever read on this is like you should default to empathy when you see someone react that way. Because there's something going on in their life. I just had a conversation with a friend who had encountered this who said that he shot a message to the person that had sent the negative thought and said, like, Hey, I hope you're, I hope You're all right. You know, I hope everything's fine. And the person replied and said, basically, sorry, you know, my wife, my, my wife recently got diagnosed with cancer. And so the way that you worded this thing, it really rubbed me the wrong way. And that's why I reacted negatively. And he said to me, like, you know, what a thing. Cause I would have replied really negatively to his response. But instead I defaulted to empathy and realized that there was this really challenging moment in this person's life.)
- Time 0:26:47
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(highlight:: Deferred Happiness Syndrome & Time/Happiness Discounting
Transcript:
Speaker 1
There's this tendency of humans of like deferred happiness syndrome. Like, Oh, I'm going to do all those things once I get to this point in my life, I'm going to go on that vacation, travel the world once I can afford it or once I've saved up this amount of money Or once I've reached this phase of my career, because I don't want to sacrifice a year of my career, you know, trajectory now and then have to start back there next year. And the reality is you're never going to do those things. And if you do do them later down the line, you're just going to enjoy it less time in the future is worth less than time today. It's just discounting. You know, it's the same as money, right? Like a dollar in the future is worth less than a dollar today. It's the same with time. Like, you know, a year, a year long trip around the world at age 55. Is less fun than a year long trip at age 35, because the things you can do as a 35 year old single person traveling the world are unbelievable. Like I had a friend recently who I had this discussion with who is 27 years old. He was on a path, you know, consulting, getting promoted, pat it on the back. McKinsey, like things are great. You're at, you know, you went, you're winning the game. Like you're going to be a partner by 30. And that's like you're calling card to life, like Indian parents, man, you're like really, really nail and winning the game. And he wanted to go travel for a year rather than doing an MBA. He wanted to go travel and see different cultures. He had never traveled much. And he said, all of the partners are telling me it's like the worst decision because I'm going to miss out on this year's year of growth. And then I'm not going to make partner by 30. It might take until I'm 32. And so I don't think I'm going to do it. And I was like, dude, you're an idiot. I just was like, that is the dumbest reason to not do it. Because those years, you're never going to do this again. This is your one chance to do this. You can tell yourself, Oh, I'm going to do it. You know, I'll do it. You know, once I've been a partner for a while and I made a bunch of money, I'll do it when I'm 50. You won't because you're going to have kids that are in school. You're going to have kids that you're going to have to pay to go and do all sorts of different activities. You might have a wife, you know, you're going to be all over the place. And your career is just going to have this gravity. It gets harder and harder to do over the course of your life. So if you don't do it, now you're not going to do it. So if you're comfortable with that, then that's fine. You can make that decision. But don't convince yourself that you're not doing it today. Because you'll do it later.)
- Time 0:40:42
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(highlight:: The Yes, Damn Effect
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Effect is this idea that we say yes to things and then later say, damn, why did I say yes to this? And it's so true with most people. Like you say yes to something with the assumption that you're going to have more time a month from now. So you say like, Oh, yeah, I'll do that call next month or yeah, I'll do that speaking engagement next month, because I'm going to have much more time after the book. I'm going to have much more time after X, Y, or Z finishes. I'm going to have much more time after the semester ends or whatever it is. And then you get there and you're like, damn, why did I say yes to that? So the rule with the yes, damn effect is any time you say yes to something under the assumption that you're going to have more time for that thing in the future, you should just say no instead, Because you're never going to have more time in the future unless there's something actually structurally changing in your life where you're going to like make a whole bunch more time Or you're quitting your job and you like there's something massive structurally changing. You're not going to have more time in the future, especially not as an ambitious person, you're just going to take on some new thing that is going to fill that time.)
- Time 0:44:54
- commitments, individual_capacity, opportunities, regret, time_management, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Early Career Strategy: Identify High Leverage Opportunities and Exploit Them in Your 30s
Transcript:
Speaker 2
And actually your twenties are, you know, to quote Gary V, your twenties are for hustling. Oh, actually, I don't know if that's what Gary V says these days, but your twenties are for hustling and trying to get ahead in your career so that you can actually set yourself up financially To be more chill and have more free time and stuff in your thirties when you have a kid for the first time and have the flexibility to spend more time at home. And it feels to me like that's kind of one side of the equation, the kind of actually it's worth working the extra hours at McKinsey to get ahead to build up that flexibility versus, hey, I just want to travel the world for five years. And then what if you end up in a place where actually financially you're not able to hop in a plane on Monday and chill in a restaurant with you.
Speaker 1
I mean, I'm 32. So I'm after my heart. I did and I did that. I did the 80 to 100 hour weeks from the time I was 22 and the time I was 30 basically until I was 29.
Speaker 2
It seems like now you're chilling. Yeah.
Speaker 1
And that built a financial foundation that mattered and it allowed me to actually see where the gold was on my playing field. Like, you know, if I had a map that I was uncovering as like a video game character around my map, I spent those years working so much that I found all of the different areas of my map and where I thought the gold was, like where my highest leverage opportunities were to go deep. And then I'm able to dig in those areas, which might not take more than a couple hours a day and do much better because I'm just digging up gold. I'm not digging up a bunch of crap. And so that matters. Like, I really do believe that. The problem is the people that say like, I'm going to hustle in my 20s so that I can chill and spend time with my kids in my 30s. They are not going to do that. They are not going to chill and spend time with their kids in their 30s. They're just going to keep hustling because you get to your 30s and you're on a track like Adam McKenzie or at an investment bank or as a doctor or whatever. And then what you say is like, Oh, well, you know, now I'm now I'm doing well. I want to do even better. Like now I made my first million. I want to make three million. I want to make five million because what it is is it's a mirage. You're like, it's not just an age where all of a sudden you wake up and you're like, now I'm going to spend time with my kids. Everything's great. No, you're like a VP and you have tons of responsibilities. And the gravity of that career track has only increased, keeping you in it. And the golden handcuffs have only increased because your lifestyle has crept up over those years. So now, you know, you might be making half a million dollars a year feeling rich, but your whole life is crept up. You're living in a nice apartment. You know, you've got high tax rate. You like got the nice car that took cost you a thousand dollars a month. And all of a sudden you're like, well, crap, I actually got to make a million dollars for myself to feel rich. And then you make a million and you're like, damn, I got to make two million dollars to actually feel rich. And so what happens is you don't get to 30 and start chilling to hang out with your kids. You hustle through your 30s thinking I'm going to I'm going to chill at 40. And then you get to 40 and maybe you are ready to chill, but your kids don't want to hang out with you anymore because they're 10 and they have friends. Like the time from by the time there's zero to 10. I've seen someone call it the magic years, like that period from zero to 10, where they actually care about you so much. Like you are their favorite person in the entire world. And yet we work so hard during that period of time. We have no time or traveling. We're doing whatever it is. And that's a real travesty, in my opinion. And so if you could actually do that, if you could hustle in your 20s to build the foundation, to figure out your highest leverage opportunities and then dive in to where those high leverage Opportunities are, that's what I'm doing. And I think it's amazing if you can make it work, but most people won't do that.)
- Time 0:48:09
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(highlight:: A Modern Definition for "Retirement"
Transcript:
Speaker 2
What does retirement mean? And I think I kind of sort of synthesize this into like three things. Retirement is either where you have so much money that you're, you're expensive to take care of and therefore you don't need to work. Or where your expenses are so low that the money you do have coming in is like, you know, the lean fire and all that kind of stuff is so low that actually you're a functionally retired and You don't need to work. Or where the stuff that you're doing for work is the stuff you would be doing anyway, and therefore you feel like you don't need to work.)
- Time 0:55:48
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(highlight:: Being a Guide Instead of a Guru: Helping Others While On Your Own Journey
Transcript:
Speaker 2
I, you know, came across an interesting way of thinking about this through my writing coach a couple of years ago, which was you don't need to be a guru, you can be a guide instead, like Guide versus guru. And you sometimes don't even need to be a guide. You can be a fellow traveler along the same path.
Speaker 1
Yeah, stumbling traveler. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And I think about that a lot. This is why still to this day, a lot of our videos are titled like how I do X, like I was working on one right now about how I manage my time, where I was thinking, yeah, this video, I'm just Going to share three strategies, plus like a Google sheet template that I've been getting a lot of value out in the last six months to help me take better care of my time.)
- Time 1:16:29
- content_creation, teaching, writing, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Voluntary Struggle: Daily Cold Plunge/Showers To Help Foster A Life of Agency & Discipline
Transcript:
Speaker 1
The cold plunge for me, there are all sorts of physical health benefits that are purported. You know, that like different studies have found that to me, like if any of that is true, that's all upside in bonus. I view it as a purely mental activity where I wake up first thing in the morning and I have to exert a degree of mind control in order to get myself to do this because I don't want to do it. It's miserable. And then you're getting into freezing cold water out on my deck, which is outside in the cold. I got out of my warm bed for 30 in the mornings pitch black and I have to go outside on my deck and go get into this water. And for me, every single morning, I, you know, the mental gymnastics starts up like, I don't need to do this. I could do it later. It actually be better for me if I do it later because then I'll like really stay in there longer, whatever, you start convincing yourself. And I have to exert that control over myself to say like, nope, I said, I'm going to do this. I'm going to go outside and I'm going to do it. And when you do that, it's like a little bit of confirmation bias in your life where your beliefs start creating your reality, your beliefs about yourself as a disciplined person that Does the things that you say you're going to do, start getting confirmed by evidence that you're accruing. You create like a little positive momentum of this piece of evidence that you just put on the board that you are doing the things that you say you're going to do. And that momentum starts bleeding out into everywhere else in your life. And so I do that every single morning as a way to just like get uncomfortable and take on some level of voluntary struggle so that whenever the involuntary struggles of life happen, I'm More well prepared for them. I also find it to be the most peaceful gratitude practice that I can have. I like go and I sit in the water and you're like feeling this crazy experience of like the sensations of like your body is kind of screaming stressful situation and you need to force yourself To just slow down. And every morning when I do that, I just list off things that I'm feeling particularly grateful for, you know, my son, my wife, family, you know, a bird that's flying overhead, whatever It is, like things that I'm just observing or noticing in the moment. And it just forces you to like really slow down your world and stop for one moment every single morning prior to the whole day going into chaos.)
- Time 1:23:26
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(highlight:: The Obstacle is the Way: Struggle Adds Meaning, Texture, & Novelty to Our Lives
Transcript:
Speaker 1
I don't think you would find incredible meaning in a life where you only did things that you were like super excited to do. That's just not that lacks texture, right? Like that lacks those feelings, the tension, the like the struggle on a daily basis that actually creates some level of meaning in our lives. Like when we don't embrace friction, we've lived in this world where friction has been consistently reduced over our entire lifetime. Technology has just reduced the amount of friction in everything. You don't longer have to go to the store if you don't want to. You no longer have to talk to people if you don't want to. If you want to go out and date, you don't have to actually take on the fear of approaching someone at the bar. You can just do it through an app and decide if you like each other before. Actually, I have an immediate person. Friction has just gone like this over time. And at some point, friction actually was what created meaning in our lives. Like it was what led to the funny stories of like, oh, I walked up to that girl and she rejected me. And then I slipped and fell. And it's really funny. You like later get to talk about that. And I often wonder, are our lives going to be significantly less interesting than our parents and grandparents? Like when I hear my mom who grew up in India, tell stories about her childhood or my grandmother, you know, in India, tell stories about her childhood, they are so interesting. They're day to day lives because they didn't have phones. They didn't have anything. They were out. They had to do things. They had to like go roam through the streets and meet up with friends and get into all sorts of hijinks. And I kind of got to do that when I was a kid where the last generation that got to do that when we were kids. Now everyone is kids are sitting on their phones all day. They're like playing video games all day. They're on their computers all day. They're not allowed to go anywhere without tons of supervision. And I really wonder like with my own son, what is he going to do? Like, what is he going to tell people at a cocktail party? Like what stories? What funny moments is he going to have from his childhood? Because I think we're just steadily reducing the friction that exists. And as a result, steadily reducing the interesting things and the interesting moments that are happening on a daily basis.)
- Time 1:29:37
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(highlight:: It's Never a Lack of Time, It's a Lack of Priorities
Transcript:
Speaker 1
We make time for the things we care about. And it's never a lack of time. It's always a lack of priorities. And so if something really matters to you, you'll make time in the calendar for it. It'll become a part of your ideal week. I do think that that week framework is a really good adaptation of my day.)
- Time 1:43:26
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