(highlight:: Aggressive Friendship: Changing Neighborhood Norms is on You
Summary:
Initiating proactive social interactions like inviting neighbors for dinner, hosting weekly gatherings, and engaging in communal activities can help in breaking the isolation and changing the norms of the neighborhood.
Taking the initiative to be an aggressive friend can cultivate a more connected and vibrant community.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And I have a friend who says she practices aggressive friendship. And so she's the one in her neighborhood who invites people for dinner. She has a picnic table in the front yard. And like every Thursday night, she has a dinner with the picnic table and any neighbor can show up. And that's people self-conscious to say, I'm not going to live an isolated life. I'm not going to allow my neighborhood to live an isolated life. I think the key is to change the norms of how you show up in your neighborhood. And being an aggressive friend is for a good start.)
- Time 0:17:52
- accountability, cultural_change, friendship, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Questions for Getting to Know Someone's Life Story
Summary:
Deep questions can reveal a lot about a person.
Asking about someone's life chapter, future celebrations, or fears can prompt meaningful responses. People enjoy sharing their life stories and rarely refuse when asked.
One woman even cried when asked what she would do if she weren't afraid, as she was too scared to quit her job.
These questions create connections and open up conversations.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And so there are certain deep questions you can ask that you'll really get to know another person despite different. So some of the questions are things like, if this five years is a chapter in your life, what's a chapter about? Or if we met a year from now, what would we be celebrating? Or what would you do if you weren't afraid? I had a friend who asked a woman who was being interviewed for a job and he asked her, what would you do if you weren't afraid? And she started crying because she wouldn't be doing HR at that company, but she's too afraid to quit. And so these are just deep questions that, and if people love to tell their life story, I found it in the course of my life when I've asked people to tell me a bit about their themselves. The number of people who say none of your damn business is zero. People love to tell their story.)
- Time 0:22:31
- bonding, relationships, social_connectedness, questions, 1socialdont-post,

Politics Gives the Illusion of Community and Moral Action (See: Political Hobbyism
Summary:
Politics gives the illusion of community by creating teams and the illusion of morality by portraying one's own side as good and the other side as evil.
It also gives the illusion of moral action through activities like tweeting and expressing indignation on social media. However, politics fails as a form of social therapy, as it doesn't truly create community, accurately portray morality, or encourage genuine moral action.
Society has become overly politicized, with politics seeping into various aspects of life, ultimately leading to decreased happiness.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
But it was, the other thing that happened was that a lot of people got lonely, lonely and isolated. And they found that there's a therapy for loneliness, which doesn't work, but they didn't know that at the time, and that therapy is called politics. And politics gives you the illusion of community. I'm on team red or team blue or whatever it is. Politics gives you the illusion of morality, that there's the forces of good who are the people on my side, and then there's the forces of evil who are those other people over there. And then it gives you the illusion of moral action. I can do something to make the world better. I can tweet. I can TikTok. I can expose my indignation. I can stare into his cell phone and deliver an angry tirade that I put on Instagram. And all this is a form of social therapy that fails. Politics doesn't really give you community. You're just hating the same people. Politics doesn't really give you an accurate moral landscape. The line between good and evil, it doesn't run between groups. That's Sultranetson said it runs down every human heart. And it doesn't really give you moral action. You don't have to sit with a poor or help a widow. You just got a TikTok. And that's not really moral action. And so in my view, one of the things that's happened in society is we become way over politicized. Our comedy is now political. Our movies are political. Our sports are political. Science is political. And so it's just they end up making people even less happy.)
- Time 0:27:16
- moral_action, moral_behavior, political_hobbyism, 1socialpost-queue,

(highlight:: Conflict Entrepeneurs: People who gain something based off of inciting political conflict
Summary:
Politicians often have to cater to conflict entrepreneurs within their party who thrive off of polarized thinking, catastrophizing, and mobilizing an angry base.
The media also contributes to this by generating fear and anger for attention. As a result, politicians, who are mostly good people, are caught in a detrimental system driven by those who thrive on driving wedges between people.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
In Washington, I think, and I think it is true in every country I go to, they're most people you meet in government who've been elected to office, they sort of think the way I do, but they Have to please the members of their party who are conflict entrepreneurs. And there are some people who are, who like they thrive off the conflict, they thrive off polarized thinking that they're evil, we're good. They thrive off catastrophizing the whole countries about to fall apart. And the problem is they have a very well mobilized angry base. And they're helped frankly by those of us in the media. We've learned the way to get attention to the age of the internet is to generate anger and hatred. And so the number of headlines in the American media that are meant to arouse fear and anger has risen by 150%. And so my view is most politicians are good people caught in a terrible system. And the people who are the conflict entrepreneurs are really thriving by driving wedges between us every which way.)
- Time 0:30:43
- conflict, conflict_entrepreneurship, polarization,

(highlight:: The Value of Friction in Fostering Resilient Communities
Summary:
Friction, especially in relationships and communities, plays a crucial role in keeping people together in a profound and important way.
In a world where convenience and optionality are prioritized, the friction of staying in challenging situations such as religious affiliations or close-knit communities is what holds people together. The deeper value of a community lies in the friction that keeps people committed, and synthetic communities with easy opt-in and opt-out options risk losing this deeper value.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
What you were saying about community, I think you used the phrase, people who can't leave, basically, whether it's kin, religious affiliation or place. One theme that comes up repeatedly in my own work and has come up with a number of guests that I've talked to on this podcast is, especially when it relates to relationships, is that friction Is often the point. We live in a world that is constantly optimizing to remove friction from everything, to make everything as convenient as possible, and to generate as much optionality as possible. Yet, it's friction in situations like that, like the friction of leaving a religion that keeps people together in a very profound and important way. I think as long as you're trying to synthetically create a community that people are opting into and can opt out of at any time, you're going to lose the deeper value of that community, Which is the friction that keeps them in.)
- Time 0:38:33
- community_resilience,

(highlight:: The Two Mountains of Life: The Mtn You Thought Was Your Mtn And Your Actual Mtn
Summary:
After initially pursuing success and identity, we often find ourselves in a valley of suffering and pain.
These moments reveal a deeper understanding of ourselves and the need for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. This leads to a shift in mindset, focusing on service and giving back.
Many people experience this journey of climbing two mountains in their lives.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Yeah, so the basic idea is when we get out of school, whatever, we think there's this mountain we're going to climb, and we want to make a difference in the world. We want to establish our identity. We hopefully want to make some money and have some success. And so we're climbing the mountain. And then one of three things happens. One is we achieve success, and it turns out to be not as satisfying as we thought it was. Or we fail. We get laid off, or we fired, or our company fails, or whatever. And so we're stuck with failure. Or a third, something that happens that wasn't part of the original plan. You get cancer, you lose a child, something happens. And so suddenly, in all three cases, you're sort of down in the valley. And in the valley of life, there's some suffering and pain. And so we realized to make a change. My favorite quotes I can't remember which book I put it in is by a theologian from the 1950s named Paul Tillek. And he said, the moments of suffering in our lives interrupt our lives, and they remind us we're not the person we thought we were. And he says, they carved through the, what we thought was the floor of the basement of our soul, and they reveal a cavity in ourselves. And they carved through the floor, and they reveal another cavity. And so when you see, you see deeper into yourself than you would have in good times. So you realize that only spiritual and emotional food is going to really fill those cavities. And so you have to set off on your second mountain. You realize, well, that first mountain really wasn't my mountain. There's another bigger mountain out there for me. And it might be starting a new company. It might be starting a new family, but it might also be going off to Tibet and becoming a monk. It's less about accumulation, and it's more about service. So it's really a shift in mindset from a utilitarian instrumental mindset. How can I climb to a much more moral mindset? How can I serve? How can I be a servant? How can I give back? And so I think a lot of people go through this two mountain shape in their life.)
- Time 0:40:09
- career, goals, life, purpose,

(highlight:: Aggressive Friendship: Changing Neighborhood Norms is on You
Summary:
Initiating proactive social interactions like inviting neighbors for dinner, hosting weekly gatherings, and engaging in communal activities can help in breaking the isolation and changing the norms of the neighborhood.
Taking the initiative to be an aggressive friend can cultivate a more connected and vibrant community.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And I have a friend who says she practices aggressive friendship. And so she's the one in her neighborhood who invites people for dinner. She has a picnic table in the front yard. And like every Thursday night, she has a dinner with the picnic table and any neighbor can show up. And that's people self-conscious to say, I'm not going to live an isolated life. I'm not going to allow my neighborhood to live an isolated life. I think the key is to change the norms of how you show up in your neighborhood. And being an aggressive friend is for a good start.)
- Time 0:17:52
- accountability, cultural_change, friendship, 1socialdont-post,

(highlight:: Questions for Getting to Know Someone's Life Story
Summary:
Deep questions can reveal a lot about a person.
Asking about someone's life chapter, future celebrations, or fears can prompt meaningful responses. People enjoy sharing their life stories and rarely refuse when asked.
One woman even cried when asked what she would do if she weren't afraid, as she was too scared to quit her job.
These questions create connections and open up conversations.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
And so there are certain deep questions you can ask that you'll really get to know another person despite different. So some of the questions are things like, if this five years is a chapter in your life, what's a chapter about? Or if we met a year from now, what would we be celebrating? Or what would you do if you weren't afraid? I had a friend who asked a woman who was being interviewed for a job and he asked her, what would you do if you weren't afraid? And she started crying because she wouldn't be doing HR at that company, but she's too afraid to quit. And so these are just deep questions that, and if people love to tell their life story, I found it in the course of my life when I've asked people to tell me a bit about their themselves. The number of people who say none of your damn business is zero. People love to tell their story.)
- Time 0:22:31
- bonding, relationships, social_connectedness, questions, 1socialdont-post,

Politics Gives the Illusion of Community and Moral Action (See: Political Hobbyism
Summary:
Politics gives the illusion of community by creating teams and the illusion of morality by portraying one's own side as good and the other side as evil.
It also gives the illusion of moral action through activities like tweeting and expressing indignation on social media. However, politics fails as a form of social therapy, as it doesn't truly create community, accurately portray morality, or encourage genuine moral action.
Society has become overly politicized, with politics seeping into various aspects of life, ultimately leading to decreased happiness.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
But it was, the other thing that happened was that a lot of people got lonely, lonely and isolated. And they found that there's a therapy for loneliness, which doesn't work, but they didn't know that at the time, and that therapy is called politics. And politics gives you the illusion of community. I'm on team red or team blue or whatever it is. Politics gives you the illusion of morality, that there's the forces of good who are the people on my side, and then there's the forces of evil who are those other people over there. And then it gives you the illusion of moral action. I can do something to make the world better. I can tweet. I can TikTok. I can expose my indignation. I can stare into his cell phone and deliver an angry tirade that I put on Instagram. And all this is a form of social therapy that fails. Politics doesn't really give you community. You're just hating the same people. Politics doesn't really give you an accurate moral landscape. The line between good and evil, it doesn't run between groups. That's Sultranetson said it runs down every human heart. And it doesn't really give you moral action. You don't have to sit with a poor or help a widow. You just got a TikTok. And that's not really moral action. And so in my view, one of the things that's happened in society is we become way over politicized. Our comedy is now political. Our movies are political. Our sports are political. Science is political. And so it's just they end up making people even less happy.)
- Time 0:27:16
- moral_action, moral_behavior, political_hobbyism, 1socialpost-queue,

(highlight:: Conflict Entrepeneurs: People who gain something based off of inciting political conflict
Summary:
Politicians often have to cater to conflict entrepreneurs within their party who thrive off of polarized thinking, catastrophizing, and mobilizing an angry base.
The media also contributes to this by generating fear and anger for attention. As a result, politicians, who are mostly good people, are caught in a detrimental system driven by those who thrive on driving wedges between people.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
In Washington, I think, and I think it is true in every country I go to, they're most people you meet in government who've been elected to office, they sort of think the way I do, but they Have to please the members of their party who are conflict entrepreneurs. And there are some people who are, who like they thrive off the conflict, they thrive off polarized thinking that they're evil, we're good. They thrive off catastrophizing the whole countries about to fall apart. And the problem is they have a very well mobilized angry base. And they're helped frankly by those of us in the media. We've learned the way to get attention to the age of the internet is to generate anger and hatred. And so the number of headlines in the American media that are meant to arouse fear and anger has risen by 150%. And so my view is most politicians are good people caught in a terrible system. And the people who are the conflict entrepreneurs are really thriving by driving wedges between us every which way.)
- Time 0:30:43
- conflict, conflict_entrepreneurship, polarization,

(highlight:: The Value of Friction in Fostering Resilient Communities
Summary:
Friction, especially in relationships and communities, plays a crucial role in keeping people together in a profound and important way.
In a world where convenience and optionality are prioritized, the friction of staying in challenging situations such as religious affiliations or close-knit communities is what holds people together. The deeper value of a community lies in the friction that keeps people committed, and synthetic communities with easy opt-in and opt-out options risk losing this deeper value.
Transcript:
Speaker 2
What you were saying about community, I think you used the phrase, people who can't leave, basically, whether it's kin, religious affiliation or place. One theme that comes up repeatedly in my own work and has come up with a number of guests that I've talked to on this podcast is, especially when it relates to relationships, is that friction Is often the point. We live in a world that is constantly optimizing to remove friction from everything, to make everything as convenient as possible, and to generate as much optionality as possible. Yet, it's friction in situations like that, like the friction of leaving a religion that keeps people together in a very profound and important way. I think as long as you're trying to synthetically create a community that people are opting into and can opt out of at any time, you're going to lose the deeper value of that community, Which is the friction that keeps them in.)
- Time 0:38:33
- community_resilience,

(highlight:: The Two Mountains of Life: The Mtn You Thought Was Your Mtn And Your Actual Mtn
Summary:
After initially pursuing success and identity, we often find ourselves in a valley of suffering and pain.
These moments reveal a deeper understanding of ourselves and the need for spiritual and emotional fulfillment. This leads to a shift in mindset, focusing on service and giving back.
Many people experience this journey of climbing two mountains in their lives.
Transcript:
Speaker 1
Yeah, so the basic idea is when we get out of school, whatever, we think there's this mountain we're going to climb, and we want to make a difference in the world. We want to establish our identity. We hopefully want to make some money and have some success. And so we're climbing the mountain. And then one of three things happens. One is we achieve success, and it turns out to be not as satisfying as we thought it was. Or we fail. We get laid off, or we fired, or our company fails, or whatever. And so we're stuck with failure. Or a third, something that happens that wasn't part of the original plan. You get cancer, you lose a child, something happens. And so suddenly, in all three cases, you're sort of down in the valley. And in the valley of life, there's some suffering and pain. And so we realized to make a change. My favorite quotes I can't remember which book I put it in is by a theologian from the 1950s named Paul Tillek. And he said, the moments of suffering in our lives interrupt our lives, and they remind us we're not the person we thought we were. And he says, they carved through the, what we thought was the floor of the basement of our soul, and they reveal a cavity in ourselves. And they carved through the floor, and they reveal another cavity. And so when you see, you see deeper into yourself than you would have in good times. So you realize that only spiritual and emotional food is going to really fill those cavities. And so you have to set off on your second mountain. You realize, well, that first mountain really wasn't my mountain. There's another bigger mountain out there for me. And it might be starting a new company. It might be starting a new family, but it might also be going off to Tibet and becoming a monk. It's less about accumulation, and it's more about service. So it's really a shift in mindset from a utilitarian instrumental mindset. How can I climb to a much more moral mindset? How can I serve? How can I be a servant? How can I give back? And so I think a lot of people go through this two mountain shape in their life.)
- Time 0:40:09
- career, goals, life, purpose,