This book itself uses a simple idea. Aim Higher, Ask Smaller, and Do It Again.
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Very few talked about a single person who took them under their wing over long periods or guided them with their advice or wisdom. Their experiences were driven by what I call “opportunity bursts.”
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You want mentors who can help you solve your problems. Whether you are doing something new and unknown—like trying to get interviews for your first job or internship, raising money for your start-up or to write a novel, working to break into a new career, or make in-roads into a dream role or company—or trying to accelerate at your current job in your current industry, you will experience problems that are difficult, challenging, and complicated to solve on your own. You’ll need the right help.
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This book’s guidance is different from most mentoring advice. Don’t worry about the person (a.k.a. finding the perfect mentor); worry about the process (a.k.a. doing the key activities creating opportunities).
- Location 152
- mentorship, career, achievement, agency,

Adam is the cofounder and CEO of PeopleGrove, the leading mentorship software used by more than 450 colleges, universities, and institutions worldwide.
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You have to drive value from mentors. Modern mentoring doesn’t happen by accident.
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But if you’d prefer to skip around—or come back to key pieces—here’s what’s ahead: Chapters 2 and 3 lay out some of the foundations of modern mentoring, including your role as the mentee and the “skill” of being mentored. Part I—Law of the Right Ask Chapter 4, learn how to leverage the ‘seeker’ mindset and look for opportunities rather than advice Chapter 5, defining a collaborative project to involve potential mentors in Chapter 6, how to think smaller in what you ask for to build casual mentors Part II—Law of the Right People Chapter 7, identify your ‘aspirational peers’ and expand your targets through their connections Chapter 8, learn how to leverage the “Micro-Request” framework to build a relationship Part III—Law of Right Start Chapter 9, understand how to grow and expand relationships through (faster) feedback loops Chapter 10, discover how to embrace the unexpected opportunities and harness those that can transform you Part IV—Law of Right Time Chapter 11 through 19 are a series of chapters designed to help you learn more about the right timing for specific mentors and how to best align your needs to the types of mentors who can be most valuable—whether you are a current student, a seasoned executive, an aspiring entrepreneur, or a changemaker.
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If you’d like to say hello, you can find me at eric@erickoester.com or @erickoester on Twitter or text me at 703.587.4430. You can find additional resources, interviews, and a community of creators at www.erickoester.com.
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As long as you find multiple people rather than one person (covered in chapters 7 and 8) and create engagement with them through targeted engagements via positivity, projects, and micro-requests (covered in chapters 4, 5, and 6) that build relationships over time (covered in chapters 9 and 10), you’ll begin to relatively quickly find your way unlocking powerful relationships that can lead to your inflection points.
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- [note::The book in a nutshell]

Most people seem to view a mentor like we view a college degree. It’s another box you need to check if you’re ambitious.
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-
- [note::This resonates with my own experience]

Don’t start with the person; start with the problem. Figure out what help is valuable to you (what specific problem you need to be solved). Figure out who is well-positioned to give you the help (what specific opportunity you need). Figure out how to make it easy for them to help you (what activities are easy for them and valuable for you).
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Here are the origin stories of the mentoring relationships of some of the world’s most successful people: Your daughter is my classmate in college. Could we meet? (Mark Zuckerberg) Want to come up for coffee? (Oprah Winfrey) Want to go to the movie premiere together? (Bradley Cooper) Would you be willing to be a speaker for a new student club we’re starting? (Sheryl Sandberg) Can I come to dinner after class? (Warren Buffett) These moments don’t sound very earth-shattering. They all sound pretty mundane, which is precisely the point. It’s not that they met or even how they met. It’s how the mentee leveraged the relationship to solve a key problem.
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Mentor Fallacy: Time spent matters in developing a deep relationship with your mentors. Super Mentor Reality: Time and outputs are not the same. Super Mentors can provide 10–100x value in a fraction of the time others may take.
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“It is much easier to ‘act your way into new thinking’ than to ‘think your way into new actions.’”
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- [note::Ughhh, I should plaster this on my wall. Love it!]

Projects are tangible, finite, meaningful things providing us a reason to engage with people. They hopefully feel like fun or at least don’t feel like work. Then it’s not just, “Will you be my mentor,” or, “Can I pick your brain.” Your project gives you a context or a tactical reason for your engagement with someone. It is about matching your interests to the project you are excited about and then making the project more collaborative. It’s a way to signal your interests to others.
- Location 308
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- [note::Holy shit, this might be exactly what Ashley Lin did with Cultivating Community!]

“No résumé, no interview, no application,” Rahul said. “I sent him a chapter of my book, I thanked him for his contribution, and he hired me on the spot for an internship.” Rahul put himself in a position to have a few of his new relationships create transformative opportunities. Rahul had built a Super Mentor.
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Exceptional mentors don’t give you advice. They give you opportunities.
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I’ve used this framing question to help thousands of my students: Ten years from now, in a best-case scenario, what would you love to do more of every day? Ask yourself that very question. What would you love to do more of? Not tomorrow, but in the future. Dream a bit, and push the envelope. Ten years is quite a while, so you’ve got quite a bit of time, even if you’re nowhere near it. Take that longer-term goal of what you’d like to do more of and examine where you are today as far as a path there—job, industry, role, start-up, profession, skill, finances, time, etc. The specificity of your ten-year ambitions isn’t important. You don’t necessarily want to be in a specific role, industry, or place. Think about activities you’d like to do more of: I enjoy coaching and collaborating, so I’d love to be able to do more building and managing of a team. I enjoy writing, so I’d love to have the freedom and flexibility to write more books. I enjoy traveling, so I’d like to work for a company that lets me work from anywhere or have a travel job. That space between the activities you’re doing today and where you’d like to be is where Super Mentors come in.
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- [note::Wow, this is exactly the kind of self-reflection I was thinking I needed to do in the week prior to starting this book (i.e. Making a career roadmap/gap analysis in order to understand the gap between where I am now and where I want to be.]

While leveraging those networks is important, it can be very easy to fall into the complacency trap—as if just being a member of that community will get you where you want to go with little effort on your part. What matters in mentorship is how you act and behave, and the great news is that those are things you can learn.
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- achievement, asking,
- [note::Definitely guilty of this! I can't keep sending out general calls for help starting with "Does anyone...?" instead of sending direct asks.]

Fourth, although building and harnessing Super Mentor relationships takes time, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can begin seeing the benefits of this approach. Researching people, engaging with them in public and social ways, and working on something creates rapid personal growth and value. What’s been most personally fulfilling for me is the level of agency, autonomy, and control it’s created for me. I’m not waiting around hoping to be plucked from obscurity; I’m the one doing the plucking.
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Super Mentors help solve important problems in your life. It’s your job to make it easy. What help is valuable to you at this moment? What specific problem you need to be solved with your career, your passion projects, your education, or your life? Who is well-positioned to give you the help you? Do you know them already? What specific opportunity do you need—an introduction, a chance to share your work or ideas, a job, or something else? How to make it easy for them to help you? What activities would be easy for them, and valuable for you? Force yourself to thing very small: What could they do for you in fifteen minutes or less? What guidance, advice, or help could they give that was simple?
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- [note::Chapter summary]

Mentor Fallacy: You need to confirm with your mentor that they are your mentor. Super Mentor Reality: Mentor is not a title. It’s an activity. If someone provides you advice, guidance, access, or opportunities, they are mentoring you. That person is—by definition—a mentor. Modern mentorship isn’t an exclusive, limited relationship.
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And there’s no better way to start that process by inventorying who you already have in your life who is already or could quickly provide you a free transfer of “assets.” Here’s how you can begin a process to identify who has already been a helpful resource to you: Who have I spoken with for career or educational advice? Who has done informal or informational interviews with me? Who welcomed me into a new school, group, organization, or job? Who have I engaged with in organizations I’m a part of—volunteering, hobbies, sports, groups, associations, etc.? Who have I met who was a speaker, professor, teacher, or facilitator and helped me learn something new?
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- [note::Nee to create "Mentor Register" (perhaps just a label in Google Contacts would suffice?]

Review the list of common projects that are meaningful and collaborative: an article series, a book, a concert or art demonstration, a student club, conference or event series, a course or workshop, a new design or product idea, a podcast season/series, some research you’d like to do and publish, or a video show/series. Identify any that could be interesting and schedule a conversation to discuss how to select a project.
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Sample Email reDTR Message Hi [Name], Hope you are doing well. [Reference a recent event or activity in their life—something you observed on their social media feed.] I am planning to tackle a new project. Right now I’m considering working on [list 2+ project types]. I don’t yet have the topic or direction laid out, but I wanted to talk through the project types with you first. I thought your insights could be really valuable. Would you be available to do a short twenty-minute phone interview in the next couple of weeks? I’m early in the process and would appreciate your thoughts. [Your Name]
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COMMON INFORMAL MENTORS Professors and school administrators. Advisors or speakers in your organizations, groups, and clubs. Peers or near-peers (individuals with more experience in something but at or around the same age as you). Alumni of your school/college. Internship or job managers.
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It doesn’t matter if they call themselves your mentor or not. Your goal is to be able to call them helpful.
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- mentorship, favorite,

Treat important people in your life as mentors—whether or not they give themselves that title for you. Surround yourself with many people who could transform your life and engage with them as if they are a mentor today. Focus on building casual relationships with exceptional people. This puts you in a position to have a few of them help you create transformative opportunities.
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- [note::"Treat people as if they were your mentor" - This seems so obvious... why don't I do this?]

You quickly observe a pattern when you study how many of the most successful people leverage mentors: You will drive mentors. You won’t wait for permission. Be more ambitious in who you want to help you and less ambitious about what you need from them. You are closer than you think. Most of us are just one or two moves away from a transformative mentor in our current life.
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The word mentor has all these negative connotations while the actions of mentoring simultaneously have so many positive ones. We conflate mentorship with coaching, advising, role modeling, and sponsorship, so it’s hard to pin down why you need it. Let me offer my definition: Mentorship is a free transfer of “assets” from one person to another.
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Of all the assets you can get from a mentor, advice is the easiest to provide and the least valuable to receive. And it’s probably why so few people have mentors. They’ve figured out that they can get better and faster advice by looking online.
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- [note::Advice is high supply and high demand, but low in value.]

However, if you don’t ask or don’t know how to ask for the opportunities or network access you want, you won’t get it. Opportunities may be a job, a project, or a connection to someone who has one of the above. This could be their time or involvement in a project, offering their name on something like your book or podcast, or possibly helping you develop a list of potential investors or distribution partners and making connections. These things lead to inflection points. Advice is the easiest “asset” to transfer and is the default “asset” transferred if you don’t ask for what you want.
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- [note::If you don't ask for what you want, you will never receive it.]

four laws of Super Mentors throughout the book: Law of Right People Law of Right Ask Law of Right Start Law of Right Time
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combining her gym visit with listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks. The technique is called “temptation bundling.”
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- [note::Need to do more of this! And write an Obsidian note about habit formation.]

How can you bundle the activities? How can you blend pleasure with pain? Maybe you force yourself to send a cold email out to the speaker of every TEDx Talk you watch or every podcast guest you listen to. Or you might push yourself to send a DM to the writer of every Twitter thread you retweet. Or you might create video or audio content to share with someone you’re looking to meet.
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- [note::Make it FUN]

Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable. Explain the opportunity. Acknowledge their capacity. Learn how to make the right ask to get opportunities.
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- networking, initiative, agency, mentorship, generating opportunities, job searching,
- [note::Asking important people for things in a nutshell]

If you don’t get what you need out of a meeting, you haven’t designed the meeting or the experience well.
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- meetings, experience design,
- [note::"Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets" - Paul Batalden]

Zain Sandhu was an ambitious nineteen-year-old when we first met. He loved music and writing. He thought a career in music or entertainment could be exciting. But was that his passion, his purpose, or his mission? He had a hard time knowing at that early moment. “Who do you admire in the music industry?” I asked him. He replied, “Chance the Rapper, Kanye West, Lil Tay, Frank Ocean, and Taylor Swift.” I smiled at him. “I didn’t peg you as a Swiftie.” “Taylor is the best I’ve ever seen in engaging her fans. Hands down. She’s the best.” I nodded. “What would you do if you had fifteen minutes to talk with Taylor Swift?” He smiled uncomfortably. “For real?” he asked. “Yes, what would you do, what would you say, what would you ask if you had fifteen minutes with her?” Without hesitation: “I’d ask to be her manager,” he said with a smile. “That’s good. So what would you do for her as her manager?” “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe I’d help her figure out how to grow into new industries like fashion, cosmetics, and makeup,” he said, obviously making it up as he was going. “I like that. Okay, now how would you show her you could do that? “I’d probably need a plan or see what other people do or how the Kardashians do it. I mean, I don’t know,” he said, raising his shoulders. But he did know. Zain would arrange to meet and interview Taylor Swift’s first manager Rick Barker a few months later. He would also cultivate a relationship with one of Steven Spielberg’s writing partners. Zain admitted he’d never even considered music and entertainment management until that moment. He didn’t even realize it at that time, but he knew what he’d do with his fifteen minutes with Taylor. He just had to verbalize it to make it real and ultimately create it. If I have fifteen minutes with Taylor Swift, I’m going to show her a plan to expand into fashion and cosmetics so she can grow her platform even further. Then, I will ask to help her manage it. Most ambitious people I meet are much more self-aware than they communicate. They know what they like, what they want, what would be great, and what they enjoy. Zain knew. He just needed help framing this self-awareness into something actionable.
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- [note::This is a great example of how to encourage someone (or yourself) to be more agentic.

1. Cultivate self-awareness through writing, therapy, opening up to others about your dreams
2. Summarize what it is that you actually want/need
3. Conceptualize specific actions you can take to realize that vision
4. Take action on those things systematically
   3.]

Here are the three elements to conceptualizing the opportunities you want: What would you do if you had fifteen minutes with _______? I’m going to _____________________ so s/he can _____________________ then I will _____________________.
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In Eurich’s study, less than 15 percent of individuals were strong in both aspects of awareness—internal and external. If you’re curious about your performance, Eurich offers a free shortened version of her assessment at http://www.insight-quiz.com/. Eurich’s research lays out four personas based on our internal and external self-awareness.
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- [note::Interesting framework - should try this]

Seekers shouldn’t seek a mentor. Seekers should seek a project.
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- favorite, mentorship,
- [note::One of the central ideas of the book.]

Too often, we think effective mentorship starts with a mentor, but in reality, effective mentorship starts with a self-aware mentee. It’s perhaps a bit counterintuitive but all too common. I need a mentor to figure out what I need/want.
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Now ask yourself: what will I do with my fifteen minutes (a.k.a. my shot)? What would I do to maximize my opportunity with Lin-Manuel Miranda? I’m going to sing sixteen “hot bars” from a musical I’m writing so he can see my work, and then I will ask him to do a cameo. I’m going to share what our nonprofit does to understand our impact, and then I will ask him to collaborate. I will tell him my story to know why it is important, and then I will ask him to write the book foreword. I’m going to wear my fashion designs so he can visualize the project, and then I will offer to design for his next project. I’m going to demo my mobile application so he can learn how it could help the theater, and then I will ask him to invest.
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- [note::Reflecting on these helps cultivate specificity in your asks]

Your goal is to increase your opportunity surface area and give yourself more chances to get those transformative opportunities: Expect to engage with multiple people who fit a profile or persona. Expect to learn from people. Expect to join the communities they are in. Expect to engage with them in public. Reimagine the digital and nondigital circles you want to participate in. Get embedded in those communities... and you’re suddenly one step closer to the people you want to know.
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Mentorstorming is a twist on brainstorming: identify the group of people who could solve your problems. Here’s how it works in practice. Imagine you are in the room with this one key aspirational mentor—your Lin-Manuel Miranda. But I want you to imagine you are Lin-Manuel. Embody your aspirational mentor. Imagine you have their personality, talents, experiences, network, and access, all of it. Now you’re the mentor in a big conference room and in walks you—the real you who has these specific problems you need help with. Play out the meeting, assuming the mentor only has fifteen minutes with you and wants to be helpful if they can. What happens from there? Imagine, dream, role-play, and get specific. Mentorstorming involves being specific with the scenario to get to the specifics of the opportunities you’re seeking. It’s fun because who wouldn’t want to role-play with someone they admire? Some questions to think through: How does this person react to your problem? What is the best-case scenario? What is the worst-case scenario? Who would they ask to join the room? Who might they call? Who would they offer to connect you with? How might you evolve the request?
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Designing for exceptional mentoring experiences starts with the word Who. Ask yourself these questions: Who has done this already? Who do I know working in that industry, company, or field? Who already made this choice? Who do I admire? Who do I listen to or watch when I need to learn something important? Who else has the person I admire worked with? Who do I know already who has worked on something similar? What you want to do is so hard. But figuring out who you admire and want to be is much easier.
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- [note::"It's hard to be what you can't see"]

Projects Make You Recommendable.
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- favorite, agency,

In the research, we observed hundreds of different types of projects but were able to bucket them into nine of the most common patterns: Article Series Books Concerts and Art Demonstrations Conferences or Event Series Courses or Workshops Designs or New Products Podcast Season/Series Published Research Video Show/Series
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- [note::What kinds of projects could I take on that fall into one of these categories? Say, something at the intersection of animal welfare and information science?]

How do you get time with senior leadership at your company? Find projects to connect and collaborate on. At one of my first jobs, I worked on a project around innovation and asked if I could use the company I was working at as the subject. That project enabled me to get direct, one-on-one time with the CEO.
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Writing an Article Series. Content is king in many organizations. Write. Either write insights you’re learning in an article series on your platforms or collaborate with your company.
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Create a Research Project. What would help your company, your team, or your industry uncover or learn a key, shareable insight? Often, offering to do an extensive research project that involves you speaking with, surveying, or gathering data to turn into some type of learning can be an opportunity to engage with people to do the research and then turn and share that research with senior individuals inside and outside your company or organization.
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If you’re starting something—a start-up, a podcast, a book, a video channel, or a side hustle—look for ways to collaborate with others. Gather early customer feedback. If you are developing a product or a solution, get feedback on it early from people you’d like to establish a relationship with. Don’t sell to them, but involve them in the early development process. Keep them posted as you iterate and evolve based on their feedback. Book guests or speakers for interviews. Many projects, including podcasts, books, and video channels, are great opportunities to speak to people you admire and turn their insights directly into the content. Make requests easy for them, and showcase how your audience appreciates the value they provide. Partner with a good cause. People you’d like to meet or get to know may volunteer with organizations you can also work with. Don’t just participate, but become active and look for opportunities to collaborate with other more established individuals through shared working relationships. Find a cause, offer to help, and deliver.
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- advice, achievement, mentorship, feedback_solicitation, human-centered design, networking, collaboration, human-centered development, career capital, career growth,

We observe four main “mediums” behind these nine meaningful, collaborative projects: a video or video series an event or conference music available for free streaming a significant written work These four approaches are the most common because they tie directly to the person who created them—you.
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A blog is a gym. An article series, podcast season, video course, or book is a marathon.
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So, what’s the difference between starting a blog and writing an article series? Put a number in front of it. Write a two-hundred-page book. Host a four-part speaker series. Publish a ten-part article series. Launch a twelve-episode podcast season. Finish something meaningful that proves you have the forethought to organize this meaty and meaningful thing and offers your consumer a way to judge your depth for themselves. Creation events offer the ability to go fast and deep—and a way to finish something that stands on its own whether or not you ever do another one.
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Make your project meaningful for everyone collaborating. Something you care about. Something you can complete. More than making money.
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It’s time to take an inventory of your existing relationships. Start with a series of “who” questions, and investigate your access: Who do I know who has completed this project already? Who do I already know who has worked on something similar? Who do I know working in that industry or company or field? Who do I know who has already made this choice? Who have I heard speak, talk, or teach at an event or conference? Who do I listen to or watch when I need to learn something important? Who do I know who is closely connected to someone I’d like to meet?
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Generosity is the currency of influence today. It’s important to recognize the implications of this and how to leverage the public social circles you’ve created to help you in these efforts.
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- generosity, influence, favorite, ankified,
- [note::Reminds me of the 2 hour job search talk e.g. your goal is to find the "boosters" in your network as fast as possible]

Grant recommends a technique called five-minute favors—positive activities where you are generous to others first. This creates a scenario where you’re more likely to elicit a positive response from your cold outreach. It often creates opportunities for an initial engagement. Review their book Review their podcast episode or a video or theirs Review their products/apps Share or donate to their cause Share their articles/content
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Remember, Matchers operate in a world of fairness. Grant recommends a technique called five-minute favors—positive activities where you are generous to others first. This creates a scenario where you’re more likely to elicit a positive response from your cold outreach. It often creates opportunities for an initial engagement. Review their book Review their podcast episode or a video or theirs Review their products/apps Share or donate to their cause Share their articles/content
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Make requests that are easy to say yes to. People often ask for the wrong things at the beginning stages of the relationship. Can I pick your brain? Will you be my mentor? I’m trying to figure out my life. Can you help?
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you should consider five important aspects when making a request that is easy to say yes to: Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable. Explain the opportunity. Acknowledge their capacity.
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While there is no single magic template you can use, you should consider five important aspects when making a request that is easy to say yes to: Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable.…
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Here is a sample initial “micro-request” template to connect or reconnect with someone you already know, even casually, through email and social media. Sample Email Reconnection Message Hi [Name], We originally connected through [Event/Meeting/Conference][Person Who Connected You][Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. [Reference the five-minute favor or another connection in these parentheses—e.g., “I recently [read your book/recent article][listened to your podcast/a talk you gave at X][learned about your cause][started following you on Twitter/Instagram/YouTube] and was impressed enough to share it with my network.”] I am working on a [project type] that I am hoping to release in the next year. The working title is [title] and it’s a [twenty-word summary]. I thought…
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Sample Email Reconnection Message Hi [Name], We originally connected through [Event/Meeting/Conference][Person Who Connected You][Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. [Reference the five-minute favor or another connection in these parentheses—e.g., “I recently [read your book/recent article][listened to your podcast/a talk you gave at X][learned about your cause][started following you on Twitter/Instagram/YouTube] and was impressed enough to share it with my network.”] I am working on a [project type] that I am hoping to release in the next year. The working title is [title] and it’s a [twenty-word summary]. I thought your insights could be really…
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Sample Social Media connection request Hi [Name]. Wanted to reconnect. We originally connected through [Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. Now I’m working on a [project type] about [twenty-word summary]. Based on [a relative achievement, a recent article they wrote, their experience in an…
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How to make it specific. One of the easiest ways to create a more effective ask is to be specific on the outcome of the ask. As you’ll see in the examples, you are requesting a short, twenty-minute phone interview or a chat. Mentor Fallacy: It’s better to be general in our requests for help, support, or feedback and let our mentors guide us. Super Mentor Reality: The more specific our goals, the higher our performance and productivity levels. Make more specific inquiries, and you’ll get more productive and helpful results. The easiest way to make it specific is to ask yourself: “What do I most want out of this time?”
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The easiest way to make it specific is to ask yourself: “What do I most want out of this time?”
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- [note::It = Your ask of the other person]

How to make it simple. Do they have all the information they need to answer with a yes or no?
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How to make it schedulable. These are not transactional relationships, and you should consider how to incorporate an interaction. Would this involve a call? Will you meet in person? Will you both be at an event to interact? Will you have a way to exchange digital, real-time communications via text messages or a similar channel? Even if your goal is a series of interactions over time, you want to begin with a first interaction. Add a specific amount of time you’re looking for. Remember, the amount of time does not equate to the value of the interaction.
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How to make this an opportunity. Why should they make time for this? This is where scoping some of the details can highlight that your project is important—and finite. People can get excited about helping an aspiring writer, designer, researcher, or change maker. Communicate what you are doing and how they’ll participate. How will they see the fruits of their work pay off? It’s important to note that this isn’t “what’s in it for you” but more about “how will I know my time was well spent.”
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It’s important to note that this isn’t “what’s in it for you” but more about “how will I know my time was well spent.”
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How to acknowledge their capacity. You’re asking for a favor. Acknowledge that you appreciate them, their prior work, and the unique contribution they can make to you and your project. This could be one of the more important and underappreciated parts of building these relationships. You want to share what specifically inspired you to reach out and that you believe their time will be important to your meaningful project. Any effort you make in advance to show your generosity—five minutes favors—can go a long way.
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You bear the responsibility. An inability to ask small, simple questions signals that you don’t have the knowledge and would need to be taught or coached or may require a heavy investment. Consider asking yourself the question first. Does it require extensive thinking, planning, scheduling, or consideration? Can you make the ask itself more transactional? Can you create smaller steps to the larger question? The simpler the initial requests—a well-scoped micro-request being ideal early in the relationship—the easier it is to come to a quick and hopefully positive resolution.
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“Is there any way I can just intern for you?” “We’re not looking for an intern,” came the reply. He was ready with his response. “I understand. Is there any way I can just have an email address?” There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “You don’t have to pay me,” he continued, “just give me an email address. I will just leverage that to set up meetings with interesting start-up founders. I will just send you my notes from those meetings. You never have to see me in your offices.” “I guess,” Jonathan replied, considering the unorthodox request. “I don’t see any downsides...” With that simpler ask, Blake went to work. “Having this email address was enough to get my foot in many doors. And I reached out to every interesting founder. I again reached out to all the investors who ignored me from those initial cold emails, saying, ‘Hey, I just ended up in venture. I’d love to learn from you now and start sending you deals. What areas interest you?’ and now almost all of them responded. I was just building on my network and showing the access I could get for Ludlow.” The then-senior in college eventually got a job offer and a seat at the table at Ludlow because he brought an unusual network with him—one he built on the back of a simpler request of an email address.
- Location 1672
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- [note::I'm speechless - what an incredible, yet simple strategy. Asking for an email address, ending up with a job.]

Micro-requests are a superpower for the aspiring protégé. A micro-request is a piece of carefully scoped work, help, or support that can be completed quickly and without impacting the ability to complete other work or efforts. These are the “what’s the downside” requests: small, tangible, and simple asks that require very little thinking and work from the mentor. But they enable a mentee or protégé to demonstrate their value and competence to the mentor.
- Location 1694
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Our effort to simplify our micro-requests to create “easy wins” is critical. Yes, it’s an email address, it’s a micro-project, and it’s a question. But the power of a micro-request is transformative in establishing the first move.
- Location 1702
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Find the people who have the power to transform your trajectory. Learn how to connect with the people who have the opportunities you’re seeking.
- Location 1740
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Imagine living in a close-knit neighborhood—the kind where everyone knows everyone, where you have block parties, kids play in the park and the pool, and you’ll pop over the fence to say hello to someone out planting flowers, washing their car, or mowing the lawn. Now imagine you need to borrow a ladder to hang the ceiling fan you’ve just purchased. You walk to the neighbor with the biggest house in your neighborhood and knock once on their door. No one answers. You go home, put the fan in your car, and return it to the store where you purchased it. You conclude the fan isn’t meant to be hung. As ridiculous as this sounds, this happens to people searching for a mentor. They reach out to a single person, a single time, hear nothing and give up. Or worse, they never even buy the fan, assuming no one in the neighborhood would lend them their ladder. “It’s so disheartening to watch learners give up after just one attempt at making a connection,” Adam Saven shared. “Especially when so many wonderful people around us are willing to lend a hand.” Turns out lots of ladder-owning neighbors would be more than happy to give you theirs.
- Location 1743
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- [note::GREAT analogy]

There is not one single person who will create opportunities for you. There’s a web of help available to you, and your job is to begin mapping out that help.
- Location 1757
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A guiding principle of Super Mentors is many people can deliver transformative opportunities to you. Our goal is to increase the odds of finding one who will provide a transformative opportunity dramatically.
- Location 1759
- opportunity, mentorship, achievement,
- [note::Key idea in the book]

When we begin with big, well-known names, we tend to think it’s almost ridiculous. I want you to be ridiculous. When I say aim higher, I truly mean it. Part of this act of aiming much higher makes our choices less difficult and makes this all feel more fun. When we aim higher on people we admire, we are less apt to censor ourselves. It sounds a bit ridiculous to rattle off names like Taylor Swift, Chance the Rapper, Kanye West, or any number of people we admire far off on the horizon, but they offer a real picture of who we believe could offer us these transformative opportunities. These are the people you’d love to be, be like, or be associated with on your horizons. Horizons are in the distance but visible. It’s real, but it’s far enough away that it’s still blurry and uncertain.
- Location 1764
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- [note::When mapping your mentors, expand your horizons.]

Picking a collaborative and meaningful project can be difficult. If you’re unsure which project is the best fit for you, try to reverse engineer your project. Here’s how: Step 1. → Identify the people on your horizon. Step 2. → Learn about their early career before they achieved breakout success. Step 3. → Look for projects they tackled. Did they discuss or call out an article series or a book they wrote? Did they organize a concert, a conference, or an event? Have they taught a course or given a speech? Did they develop a product? Did they release a podcast, series of videos, or a YouTube channel? Did they publish some research or findings? Step 4. → Examine the project in greater detail and learn the development process. Step 5. → Repeat until you find a project that inspires or excites you. Then begin identifying any peer or near-peer mentors who have also worked on a similar project and might be able to talk to you about their process.
- Location 1786
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You don’t need to know much to begin. Start by trying to identify two things: Who are your aspirational peers? Who do you admire? What sectors/industries/arenas are they playing in? What intersections do they operate in?
- Location 1850
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- [note::Creating your knowledge graph]

STEP 1: Identify some “keywords” or “key people”
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Your goal is to find people talking about the subjects you’re interested in. We’re going to explore the knowledge graph across these four digital communities. These digital communities give us access to knowledge directly from people—talking, speaking, presenting, teaching, and being interviewed: Podcasts (Apple and/or Spotify) TEDx Talks YouTube Google
- Location 1875
- mentorship, information diet, networking,

STEP 3: Identify relevant people and stories and add them to a running list
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STEP 4: Find out how to contact them
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STEP 5: Rinse and Repeat in Your Warm Networks
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Many of us have heard the quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Or a similar quote says, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” But it turns out researchers find that’s not entirely true. We are influenced and affected by all the people we surround ourselves with. David Burkus, the author of Friend of a Friend, said, “You’re not the average of the five people you surround yourself with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look around and make sure you’re in the right surroundings.”
- Location 1999
- lifestyle, environment, achievement, influence, networks, social dynamics,

The relationship mindset is critical for modern mentorship: Establish relationships with multiple mentors Create a mixture of relevant synchronous (live meetings/engagements) and asynchronous (updates and social media engagement) touchpoints Develop opportunities through a process
- Location 2007
- networking, mentorship, relationship management,

There’s commonly a build to the modern mentor relationship—something I call Stair-Step Mentoring: STAGE 1: Micro Request for Advice/Guidance STAGE 2: Micro Opportunity STAGE 3: Opportunity & Access Acceleration
- Location 2058
- mentorship, 1action,

Begin mentor relationships small. Take steps to make it super. Learn how to grow relationships that lead to transformative career and life opportunities over time.
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Three things appear to matter in cultivating Super Mentor relationships. Follow up, do it fast, and continue following up.
- Location 2199
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- [note::This is one of the major reasons I'm not as well-networked as I'd like to be - I struggle with following up.]

Four transformative words can change your relationship with anyone: “Thank you. I’ve already…” This is the art of micro follow-ups. Acknowledge the person and their time, and offer evidence their time is already impacting you. I’ve already… been thinking about what you said… been building a list… been writing more notes… been brainstorming titles… been looking at dates… been adding things to my calendar... Much like micro-requests, there’s power in micro follow-ups. Think of them as another time for the person to identify an opportunity for you. You become top of mind in the context of your discussion. Perhaps just as important, you remain top of mind for future opportunities that come to your Super Mentors.
- Location 2211
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- [note::Reminds me of Networking for Nerds ("everyone has a projection of you")]

The best opportunities won’t operate on your timeline or timetable. Instead, you’re playing for a critical moment: “... and you popped into my mind...” Simple expressions of gratitude are memorable. When we are memorable, we remain top of mind for future opportunities.
- Location 2231
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For aspiring entrepreneurs who met with me to discuss their start-ups or new business ideas, my most common recommendation was to speak to five to ten customers and tell me what they’d found. They’d build a threshold around feedback when they’d reached that specific number—five to ten—rather than feedback loops along the way. Micro feedback that does not create more work or actions for the mentor is more valuable than delaying beyond a particular threshold.
- Location 2302
-
- [note::Simple updates on progress are OKAY and signal to the other person that they actually helped you in some way - YOUR EMAILS ARE NOT A BURDEN]

The follow-up bar, especially fast follow-up, is so low, meaning anything you do will be perceived even better. The reality is like your initial requests. You don’t need macro follow-up. Specific. Simple. Schedulable. Within twenty-four hours, are you able to follow up with a message that reads, “I’ve already _____”? First follow-up, and then do it more quickly than anyone else. Then do it again.
- Location 2336
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- [note::Quick, short follow-ups trump slow, substantial ones.]

Micro request. Micro follow-up loops. Expand. Repeat. Charlie would work on a summer-long project that marketing guru Seth Godin shared in his blog. He then cold-emailed Ramit Sethi and collaborated on a series of video-related projects. Charlie then leveraged that experience to get hired as a videographer by four-time New York Times best-selling author Tucker Max as he turned his book into a movie. At each point, Charlie started small, but he delivered quickly.
- Location 2377
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- [note::This feels like magic, but it's literally just reaching out with a favor, asking for something small, and following up againand again. Crazy fucking simple.]

Mentorship has seasons, so engage the ideal mentor at the right time in your life. Learn how to identify stages and mentors that can support you through them.
- Location 2719
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The four key factors in developing long-term relationships are proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. Similarities are often much less important than these aspects that create momentum behind the relationship.
- Location 2845
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However, the actual similarity is less important than the initial perception of similarities. Super Mentor relationships possess stunning levels of mirroring, where a Super Mentor and their protégé display strong similarities across observable characteristics like upbringing, career path, gender, race, socioeconomic background, and schooling. There were, of course, outliers, but “seeing a younger version of themselves in the mirror” was a typical pattern.
- Location 2874
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Specifically, in the case of mentoring relationships, it’s much less important that you have a lot in common but that you and they think you have a lot in common. While someone different from us may offer us more opportunities to expand our knowledge or experiences, studies, such as Hampton’s, find that we perceive we would gain more from those similar to us.
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“Seeking advice from those ahead of us has always been the tradition,” Adam Saven told me. “And subsequently, as we gain more experience, we expect to serve as mentors for others.” Saven also noted, however, that in his experience, the best mentorship outcomes occur when the mentor is three to five years older than the mentee. “It’s often easier to see ourselves at the next ideal step than at the top of the stairs. We can model ourselves after those right before us, knowing that we’re on our way toward our ideal.”
- Location 2943
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Wonder, a firm specializing in research, indicates that workplace mentorship can increase job retention of mentees and mentors by 72 percent and 69 percent, respectively. About 77 percent of organizations with active mentoring programs record a reduction in employee turnover.
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LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman writes in his book The Alliance: Managing Talent in the Networked Age, “Psychologist Arthur Aron of SUNY Stony Brook discovered that asking participants in an experiment to share their deepest feelings and beliefs for a single hour could generate the same sense of trust and intimacy that typically takes weeks, months, or years to form.”
- Location 3205
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“Of all the things that can boost inner work life, the most important is making progress in meaningful work.” And for work mentors, this excerpt contains an important insight into their role in unlocking employees’ potential—helping them see progress toward their aims and goals. Amabile continues, “If you are a manager, the progress principle holds clear implications for where to focus your efforts. It suggests that you have more influence than you may realize over employees’ well-being, motivation, and creative output. Knowing what serves to catalyze and nourish progress—and what does the opposite—turns out to be the key to effectively managing people and their work.”
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Even Reid Hoffman admitted, “Few of the managers we spoke with for this book worried that the tour of duty framework might give employees ‘permission’ to leave. But permission is not yours to give or withhold, and believing you have that power is simply a self-deception that leads to a dishonest relationship with your employees. Employees don’t need your permission to switch companies, and if you try to assert that right, they’ll simply make their move behind your back.”
- Location 3308
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- [note::Ugh, yes. Not talking to people about their long-term career goals just signals that you don't care about them as an employee.]

Many people simply believe you age out of being mentored or you can’t be both a mentor and be mentored. The truth is mentors may be more important the more advanced you are in your career. The power of a mentor doesn’t disappear when you hit twenty-four or thirty or forty-five or eighty. Quite the opposite: Mentors become more critical to reach the next stage.
- Location 3318
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We are less open to new information—what researchers Stanovich and West call “myside bias.”
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Remember, approaching a peer who has achieved more than you in one aspect of life can feel a bit humiliating, but you’ll be surprised that this same peer likely views the aspects of your life where you’ve achieved more in the same manner.
- Location 3445
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- [note::Relatable]

Author Ben Casnocha notes that simply packaging our advice as peer advice comes across as less condescending and can change the dynamic. Sharing your struggles with living up to any advice—”it’s something I’ve struggled with, too”—can help reduce the stacked power dynamic. Casnocha suggests using less authoritative phrases like, “I’m trying, too” and “I would…” For example, “I know reading frequently works because I am also trying to read more often, working.” Or, “If my performance in class dropped, I would try to read more frequently to get the concept.” Peer mentoring most often fails when either party appears to be projecting power.
- Location 3452
- power dynamics, mentorship, management, coaching, authority, peer_support,
- [note::Good tip for managing others]

When they ask for advice, give them guidance. When they ask for guidance, give them coaching. And when they don’t know what they need, give them opportunities and access.
- Location 4072
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Katzenbach, Jon, and Ashley Harshak. “Stop Blaming Your Culture.” Strategy+Business, 19 Jan. 2011. https://www.strategy-business.com/article/11108.
- Location 4139
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Burkus, David. “You’re Not the Average of the Five People You Surround Yourself With.” Medium, Mission.org, 7 June 2018. https://medium.com/the-mission/youre-not-the-average-of-the-five-people-you-surround-yourself-with-f21b817f6e69.
- Location 4210
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Qi, Christina. “No, I Don’t Have a Mentor, and I’m Doing Just Fine.” LinkedIn, LinkedIn, 6 Feb. 2021. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-dont-have-mentor-im-doing-just-fine-christina-qi-caia/.
- Location 4246
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Casnocha, Ben. “Six Habits of Highly Effective Mentees.” Ben Casnocha, 15 Apr. 2008. https://casnocha.com/2008/04/six-habits-of-h.html.
- Location 4311
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Grimmer, Jordan. “Experts vs. Friends: The Definitive Guide to Who Influences Us and Why.” Medium, 29 Sept. 2016. https://medium.com/bestcompany/experts-vs-friends-the-definitive-guide-to-who-influences-us-and-why-6a0aa609c8c0
- Location 4313
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This book itself uses a simple idea. Aim Higher, Ask Smaller, and Do It Again.
- Location 109
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Very few talked about a single person who took them under their wing over long periods or guided them with their advice or wisdom. Their experiences were driven by what I call “opportunity bursts.”
- Location 116
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You want mentors who can help you solve your problems. Whether you are doing something new and unknown—like trying to get interviews for your first job or internship, raising money for your start-up or to write a novel, working to break into a new career, or make in-roads into a dream role or company—or trying to accelerate at your current job in your current industry, you will experience problems that are difficult, challenging, and complicated to solve on your own. You’ll need the right help.
- Location 136
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This book’s guidance is different from most mentoring advice. Don’t worry about the person (a.k.a. finding the perfect mentor); worry about the process (a.k.a. doing the key activities creating opportunities).
- Location 152
- mentorship, career, achievement, agency,

Adam is the cofounder and CEO of PeopleGrove, the leading mentorship software used by more than 450 colleges, universities, and institutions worldwide.
- Location 161
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You have to drive value from mentors. Modern mentoring doesn’t happen by accident.
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But if you’d prefer to skip around—or come back to key pieces—here’s what’s ahead: Chapters 2 and 3 lay out some of the foundations of modern mentoring, including your role as the mentee and the “skill” of being mentored. Part I—Law of the Right Ask Chapter 4, learn how to leverage the ‘seeker’ mindset and look for opportunities rather than advice Chapter 5, defining a collaborative project to involve potential mentors in Chapter 6, how to think smaller in what you ask for to build casual mentors Part II—Law of the Right People Chapter 7, identify your ‘aspirational peers’ and expand your targets through their connections Chapter 8, learn how to leverage the “Micro-Request” framework to build a relationship Part III—Law of Right Start Chapter 9, understand how to grow and expand relationships through (faster) feedback loops Chapter 10, discover how to embrace the unexpected opportunities and harness those that can transform you Part IV—Law of Right Time Chapter 11 through 19 are a series of chapters designed to help you learn more about the right timing for specific mentors and how to best align your needs to the types of mentors who can be most valuable—whether you are a current student, a seasoned executive, an aspiring entrepreneur, or a changemaker.
- Location 177
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If you’d like to say hello, you can find me at eric@erickoester.com or @erickoester on Twitter or text me at 703.587.4430. You can find additional resources, interviews, and a community of creators at www.erickoester.com.
- Location 191
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As long as you find multiple people rather than one person (covered in chapters 7 and 8) and create engagement with them through targeted engagements via positivity, projects, and micro-requests (covered in chapters 4, 5, and 6) that build relationships over time (covered in chapters 9 and 10), you’ll begin to relatively quickly find your way unlocking powerful relationships that can lead to your inflection points.
- Location 193
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- [note::The book in a nutshell]

Most people seem to view a mentor like we view a college degree. It’s another box you need to check if you’re ambitious.
- Location 210
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- [note::This resonates with my own experience]

Don’t start with the person; start with the problem. Figure out what help is valuable to you (what specific problem you need to be solved). Figure out who is well-positioned to give you the help (what specific opportunity you need). Figure out how to make it easy for them to help you (what activities are easy for them and valuable for you).
- Location 233
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Here are the origin stories of the mentoring relationships of some of the world’s most successful people: Your daughter is my classmate in college. Could we meet? (Mark Zuckerberg) Want to come up for coffee? (Oprah Winfrey) Want to go to the movie premiere together? (Bradley Cooper) Would you be willing to be a speaker for a new student club we’re starting? (Sheryl Sandberg) Can I come to dinner after class? (Warren Buffett) These moments don’t sound very earth-shattering. They all sound pretty mundane, which is precisely the point. It’s not that they met or even how they met. It’s how the mentee leveraged the relationship to solve a key problem.
- Location 257
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Mentor Fallacy: Time spent matters in developing a deep relationship with your mentors. Super Mentor Reality: Time and outputs are not the same. Super Mentors can provide 10–100x value in a fraction of the time others may take.
- Location 274
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“It is much easier to ‘act your way into new thinking’ than to ‘think your way into new actions.’”
- Location 288
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- [note::Ughhh, I should plaster this on my wall. Love it!]

Projects are tangible, finite, meaningful things providing us a reason to engage with people. They hopefully feel like fun or at least don’t feel like work. Then it’s not just, “Will you be my mentor,” or, “Can I pick your brain.” Your project gives you a context or a tactical reason for your engagement with someone. It is about matching your interests to the project you are excited about and then making the project more collaborative. It’s a way to signal your interests to others.
- Location 308
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- [note::Holy shit, this might be exactly what Ashley Lin did with Cultivating Community!]

“No résumé, no interview, no application,” Rahul said. “I sent him a chapter of my book, I thanked him for his contribution, and he hired me on the spot for an internship.” Rahul put himself in a position to have a few of his new relationships create transformative opportunities. Rahul had built a Super Mentor.
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Exceptional mentors don’t give you advice. They give you opportunities.
- Location 356
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I’ve used this framing question to help thousands of my students: Ten years from now, in a best-case scenario, what would you love to do more of every day? Ask yourself that very question. What would you love to do more of? Not tomorrow, but in the future. Dream a bit, and push the envelope. Ten years is quite a while, so you’ve got quite a bit of time, even if you’re nowhere near it. Take that longer-term goal of what you’d like to do more of and examine where you are today as far as a path there—job, industry, role, start-up, profession, skill, finances, time, etc. The specificity of your ten-year ambitions isn’t important. You don’t necessarily want to be in a specific role, industry, or place. Think about activities you’d like to do more of: I enjoy coaching and collaborating, so I’d love to be able to do more building and managing of a team. I enjoy writing, so I’d love to have the freedom and flexibility to write more books. I enjoy traveling, so I’d like to work for a company that lets me work from anywhere or have a travel job. That space between the activities you’re doing today and where you’d like to be is where Super Mentors come in.
- Location 431
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- [note::Wow, this is exactly the kind of self-reflection I was thinking I needed to do in the week prior to starting this book (i.e. Making a career roadmap/gap analysis in order to understand the gap between where I am now and where I want to be.]

While leveraging those networks is important, it can be very easy to fall into the complacency trap—as if just being a member of that community will get you where you want to go with little effort on your part. What matters in mentorship is how you act and behave, and the great news is that those are things you can learn.
- Location 457
- achievement, asking,
- [note::Definitely guilty of this! I can't keep sending out general calls for help starting with "Does anyone...?" instead of sending direct asks.]

Fourth, although building and harnessing Super Mentor relationships takes time, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can begin seeing the benefits of this approach. Researching people, engaging with them in public and social ways, and working on something creates rapid personal growth and value. What’s been most personally fulfilling for me is the level of agency, autonomy, and control it’s created for me. I’m not waiting around hoping to be plucked from obscurity; I’m the one doing the plucking.
- Location 460
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Super Mentors help solve important problems in your life. It’s your job to make it easy. What help is valuable to you at this moment? What specific problem you need to be solved with your career, your passion projects, your education, or your life? Who is well-positioned to give you the help you? Do you know them already? What specific opportunity do you need—an introduction, a chance to share your work or ideas, a job, or something else? How to make it easy for them to help you? What activities would be easy for them, and valuable for you? Force yourself to thing very small: What could they do for you in fifteen minutes or less? What guidance, advice, or help could they give that was simple?
- Location 465
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- [note::Chapter summary]

Mentor Fallacy: You need to confirm with your mentor that they are your mentor. Super Mentor Reality: Mentor is not a title. It’s an activity. If someone provides you advice, guidance, access, or opportunities, they are mentoring you. That person is—by definition—a mentor. Modern mentorship isn’t an exclusive, limited relationship.
- Location 584
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And there’s no better way to start that process by inventorying who you already have in your life who is already or could quickly provide you a free transfer of “assets.” Here’s how you can begin a process to identify who has already been a helpful resource to you: Who have I spoken with for career or educational advice? Who has done informal or informational interviews with me? Who welcomed me into a new school, group, organization, or job? Who have I engaged with in organizations I’m a part of—volunteering, hobbies, sports, groups, associations, etc.? Who have I met who was a speaker, professor, teacher, or facilitator and helped me learn something new?
- Location 592
-
- [note::Nee to create "Mentor Register" (perhaps just a label in Google Contacts would suffice?]

Review the list of common projects that are meaningful and collaborative: an article series, a book, a concert or art demonstration, a student club, conference or event series, a course or workshop, a new design or product idea, a podcast season/series, some research you’d like to do and publish, or a video show/series. Identify any that could be interesting and schedule a conversation to discuss how to select a project.
- Location 606
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Sample Email reDTR Message Hi [Name], Hope you are doing well. [Reference a recent event or activity in their life—something you observed on their social media feed.] I am planning to tackle a new project. Right now I’m considering working on [list 2+ project types]. I don’t yet have the topic or direction laid out, but I wanted to talk through the project types with you first. I thought your insights could be really valuable. Would you be available to do a short twenty-minute phone interview in the next couple of weeks? I’m early in the process and would appreciate your thoughts. [Your Name]
- Location 610
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COMMON INFORMAL MENTORS Professors and school administrators. Advisors or speakers in your organizations, groups, and clubs. Peers or near-peers (individuals with more experience in something but at or around the same age as you). Alumni of your school/college. Internship or job managers.
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It doesn’t matter if they call themselves your mentor or not. Your goal is to be able to call them helpful.
- Location 642
- mentorship, favorite,

Treat important people in your life as mentors—whether or not they give themselves that title for you. Surround yourself with many people who could transform your life and engage with them as if they are a mentor today. Focus on building casual relationships with exceptional people. This puts you in a position to have a few of them help you create transformative opportunities.
- Location 651
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- [note::"Treat people as if they were your mentor" - This seems so obvious... why don't I do this?]

You quickly observe a pattern when you study how many of the most successful people leverage mentors: You will drive mentors. You won’t wait for permission. Be more ambitious in who you want to help you and less ambitious about what you need from them. You are closer than you think. Most of us are just one or two moves away from a transformative mentor in our current life.
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The word mentor has all these negative connotations while the actions of mentoring simultaneously have so many positive ones. We conflate mentorship with coaching, advising, role modeling, and sponsorship, so it’s hard to pin down why you need it. Let me offer my definition: Mentorship is a free transfer of “assets” from one person to another.
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Of all the assets you can get from a mentor, advice is the easiest to provide and the least valuable to receive. And it’s probably why so few people have mentors. They’ve figured out that they can get better and faster advice by looking online.
- Location 687
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- [note::Advice is high supply and high demand, but low in value.]

However, if you don’t ask or don’t know how to ask for the opportunities or network access you want, you won’t get it. Opportunities may be a job, a project, or a connection to someone who has one of the above. This could be their time or involvement in a project, offering their name on something like your book or podcast, or possibly helping you develop a list of potential investors or distribution partners and making connections. These things lead to inflection points. Advice is the easiest “asset” to transfer and is the default “asset” transferred if you don’t ask for what you want.
- Location 702
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- [note::If you don't ask for what you want, you will never receive it.]

four laws of Super Mentors throughout the book: Law of Right People Law of Right Ask Law of Right Start Law of Right Time
- Location 715
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combining her gym visit with listening to the Harry Potter audiobooks. The technique is called “temptation bundling.”
- Location 775
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- [note::Need to do more of this! And write an Obsidian note about habit formation.]

How can you bundle the activities? How can you blend pleasure with pain? Maybe you force yourself to send a cold email out to the speaker of every TEDx Talk you watch or every podcast guest you listen to. Or you might push yourself to send a DM to the writer of every Twitter thread you retweet. Or you might create video or audio content to share with someone you’re looking to meet.
- Location 783
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- [note::Make it FUN]

Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable. Explain the opportunity. Acknowledge their capacity. Learn how to make the right ask to get opportunities.
- Location 865
- networking, initiative, agency, mentorship, generating opportunities, job searching,
- [note::Asking important people for things in a nutshell]

If you don’t get what you need out of a meeting, you haven’t designed the meeting or the experience well.
- Location 889
- meetings, experience design,
- [note::"Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets" - Paul Batalden]

Zain Sandhu was an ambitious nineteen-year-old when we first met. He loved music and writing. He thought a career in music or entertainment could be exciting. But was that his passion, his purpose, or his mission? He had a hard time knowing at that early moment. “Who do you admire in the music industry?” I asked him. He replied, “Chance the Rapper, Kanye West, Lil Tay, Frank Ocean, and Taylor Swift.” I smiled at him. “I didn’t peg you as a Swiftie.” “Taylor is the best I’ve ever seen in engaging her fans. Hands down. She’s the best.” I nodded. “What would you do if you had fifteen minutes to talk with Taylor Swift?” He smiled uncomfortably. “For real?” he asked. “Yes, what would you do, what would you say, what would you ask if you had fifteen minutes with her?” Without hesitation: “I’d ask to be her manager,” he said with a smile. “That’s good. So what would you do for her as her manager?” “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe I’d help her figure out how to grow into new industries like fashion, cosmetics, and makeup,” he said, obviously making it up as he was going. “I like that. Okay, now how would you show her you could do that? “I’d probably need a plan or see what other people do or how the Kardashians do it. I mean, I don’t know,” he said, raising his shoulders. But he did know. Zain would arrange to meet and interview Taylor Swift’s first manager Rick Barker a few months later. He would also cultivate a relationship with one of Steven Spielberg’s writing partners. Zain admitted he’d never even considered music and entertainment management until that moment. He didn’t even realize it at that time, but he knew what he’d do with his fifteen minutes with Taylor. He just had to verbalize it to make it real and ultimately create it. If I have fifteen minutes with Taylor Swift, I’m going to show her a plan to expand into fashion and cosmetics so she can grow her platform even further. Then, I will ask to help her manage it. Most ambitious people I meet are much more self-aware than they communicate. They know what they like, what they want, what would be great, and what they enjoy. Zain knew. He just needed help framing this self-awareness into something actionable.
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- [note::This is a great example of how to encourage someone (or yourself) to be more agentic.

1. Cultivate self-awareness through writing, therapy, opening up to others about your dreams
2. Summarize what it is that you actually want/need
3. Conceptualize specific actions you can take to realize that vision
4. Take action on those things systematically
   3.]

Here are the three elements to conceptualizing the opportunities you want: What would you do if you had fifteen minutes with _______? I’m going to _____________________ so s/he can _____________________ then I will _____________________.
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-

In Eurich’s study, less than 15 percent of individuals were strong in both aspects of awareness—internal and external. If you’re curious about your performance, Eurich offers a free shortened version of her assessment at http://www.insight-quiz.com/. Eurich’s research lays out four personas based on our internal and external self-awareness.
- Location 968
-
- [note::Interesting framework - should try this]

Seekers shouldn’t seek a mentor. Seekers should seek a project.
- Location 1001
- favorite, mentorship,
- [note::One of the central ideas of the book.]

Too often, we think effective mentorship starts with a mentor, but in reality, effective mentorship starts with a self-aware mentee. It’s perhaps a bit counterintuitive but all too common. I need a mentor to figure out what I need/want.
- Location 1007
-

Now ask yourself: what will I do with my fifteen minutes (a.k.a. my shot)? What would I do to maximize my opportunity with Lin-Manuel Miranda? I’m going to sing sixteen “hot bars” from a musical I’m writing so he can see my work, and then I will ask him to do a cameo. I’m going to share what our nonprofit does to understand our impact, and then I will ask him to collaborate. I will tell him my story to know why it is important, and then I will ask him to write the book foreword. I’m going to wear my fashion designs so he can visualize the project, and then I will offer to design for his next project. I’m going to demo my mobile application so he can learn how it could help the theater, and then I will ask him to invest.
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-
- [note::Reflecting on these helps cultivate specificity in your asks]

Your goal is to increase your opportunity surface area and give yourself more chances to get those transformative opportunities: Expect to engage with multiple people who fit a profile or persona. Expect to learn from people. Expect to join the communities they are in. Expect to engage with them in public. Reimagine the digital and nondigital circles you want to participate in. Get embedded in those communities... and you’re suddenly one step closer to the people you want to know.
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Mentorstorming is a twist on brainstorming: identify the group of people who could solve your problems. Here’s how it works in practice. Imagine you are in the room with this one key aspirational mentor—your Lin-Manuel Miranda. But I want you to imagine you are Lin-Manuel. Embody your aspirational mentor. Imagine you have their personality, talents, experiences, network, and access, all of it. Now you’re the mentor in a big conference room and in walks you—the real you who has these specific problems you need help with. Play out the meeting, assuming the mentor only has fifteen minutes with you and wants to be helpful if they can. What happens from there? Imagine, dream, role-play, and get specific. Mentorstorming involves being specific with the scenario to get to the specifics of the opportunities you’re seeking. It’s fun because who wouldn’t want to role-play with someone they admire? Some questions to think through: How does this person react to your problem? What is the best-case scenario? What is the worst-case scenario? Who would they ask to join the room? Who might they call? Who would they offer to connect you with? How might you evolve the request?
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Designing for exceptional mentoring experiences starts with the word Who. Ask yourself these questions: Who has done this already? Who do I know working in that industry, company, or field? Who already made this choice? Who do I admire? Who do I listen to or watch when I need to learn something important? Who else has the person I admire worked with? Who do I know already who has worked on something similar? What you want to do is so hard. But figuring out who you admire and want to be is much easier.
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-
- [note::"It's hard to be what you can't see"]

Projects Make You Recommendable.
- Location 1205
- favorite, agency,

In the research, we observed hundreds of different types of projects but were able to bucket them into nine of the most common patterns: Article Series Books Concerts and Art Demonstrations Conferences or Event Series Courses or Workshops Designs or New Products Podcast Season/Series Published Research Video Show/Series
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-
- [note::What kinds of projects could I take on that fall into one of these categories? Say, something at the intersection of animal welfare and information science?]

How do you get time with senior leadership at your company? Find projects to connect and collaborate on. At one of my first jobs, I worked on a project around innovation and asked if I could use the company I was working at as the subject. That project enabled me to get direct, one-on-one time with the CEO.
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Writing an Article Series. Content is king in many organizations. Write. Either write insights you’re learning in an article series on your platforms or collaborate with your company.
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Create a Research Project. What would help your company, your team, or your industry uncover or learn a key, shareable insight? Often, offering to do an extensive research project that involves you speaking with, surveying, or gathering data to turn into some type of learning can be an opportunity to engage with people to do the research and then turn and share that research with senior individuals inside and outside your company or organization.
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If you’re starting something—a start-up, a podcast, a book, a video channel, or a side hustle—look for ways to collaborate with others. Gather early customer feedback. If you are developing a product or a solution, get feedback on it early from people you’d like to establish a relationship with. Don’t sell to them, but involve them in the early development process. Keep them posted as you iterate and evolve based on their feedback. Book guests or speakers for interviews. Many projects, including podcasts, books, and video channels, are great opportunities to speak to people you admire and turn their insights directly into the content. Make requests easy for them, and showcase how your audience appreciates the value they provide. Partner with a good cause. People you’d like to meet or get to know may volunteer with organizations you can also work with. Don’t just participate, but become active and look for opportunities to collaborate with other more established individuals through shared working relationships. Find a cause, offer to help, and deliver.
- Location 1353
- advice, achievement, mentorship, feedback_solicitation, human-centered design, networking, collaboration, human-centered development, career capital, career growth,

We observe four main “mediums” behind these nine meaningful, collaborative projects: a video or video series an event or conference music available for free streaming a significant written work These four approaches are the most common because they tie directly to the person who created them—you.
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A blog is a gym. An article series, podcast season, video course, or book is a marathon.
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So, what’s the difference between starting a blog and writing an article series? Put a number in front of it. Write a two-hundred-page book. Host a four-part speaker series. Publish a ten-part article series. Launch a twelve-episode podcast season. Finish something meaningful that proves you have the forethought to organize this meaty and meaningful thing and offers your consumer a way to judge your depth for themselves. Creation events offer the ability to go fast and deep—and a way to finish something that stands on its own whether or not you ever do another one.
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Make your project meaningful for everyone collaborating. Something you care about. Something you can complete. More than making money.
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It’s time to take an inventory of your existing relationships. Start with a series of “who” questions, and investigate your access: Who do I know who has completed this project already? Who do I already know who has worked on something similar? Who do I know working in that industry or company or field? Who do I know who has already made this choice? Who have I heard speak, talk, or teach at an event or conference? Who do I listen to or watch when I need to learn something important? Who do I know who is closely connected to someone I’d like to meet?
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Generosity is the currency of influence today. It’s important to recognize the implications of this and how to leverage the public social circles you’ve created to help you in these efforts.
- Location 1543
- generosity, influence, favorite, ankified,
- [note::Reminds me of the 2 hour job search talk e.g. your goal is to find the "boosters" in your network as fast as possible]

Grant recommends a technique called five-minute favors—positive activities where you are generous to others first. This creates a scenario where you’re more likely to elicit a positive response from your cold outreach. It often creates opportunities for an initial engagement. Review their book Review their podcast episode or a video or theirs Review their products/apps Share or donate to their cause Share their articles/content
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Remember, Matchers operate in a world of fairness. Grant recommends a technique called five-minute favors—positive activities where you are generous to others first. This creates a scenario where you’re more likely to elicit a positive response from your cold outreach. It often creates opportunities for an initial engagement. Review their book Review their podcast episode or a video or theirs Review their products/apps Share or donate to their cause Share their articles/content
- Location 1554
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Make requests that are easy to say yes to. People often ask for the wrong things at the beginning stages of the relationship. Can I pick your brain? Will you be my mentor? I’m trying to figure out my life. Can you help?
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you should consider five important aspects when making a request that is easy to say yes to: Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable. Explain the opportunity. Acknowledge their capacity.
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While there is no single magic template you can use, you should consider five important aspects when making a request that is easy to say yes to: Make it specific. Make it simple. Make it schedulable.…
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Here is a sample initial “micro-request” template to connect or reconnect with someone you already know, even casually, through email and social media. Sample Email Reconnection Message Hi [Name], We originally connected through [Event/Meeting/Conference][Person Who Connected You][Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. [Reference the five-minute favor or another connection in these parentheses—e.g., “I recently [read your book/recent article][listened to your podcast/a talk you gave at X][learned about your cause][started following you on Twitter/Instagram/YouTube] and was impressed enough to share it with my network.”] I am working on a [project type] that I am hoping to release in the next year. The working title is [title] and it’s a [twenty-word summary]. I thought…
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Sample Email Reconnection Message Hi [Name], We originally connected through [Event/Meeting/Conference][Person Who Connected You][Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. [Reference the five-minute favor or another connection in these parentheses—e.g., “I recently [read your book/recent article][listened to your podcast/a talk you gave at X][learned about your cause][started following you on Twitter/Instagram/YouTube] and was impressed enough to share it with my network.”] I am working on a [project type] that I am hoping to release in the next year. The working title is [title] and it’s a [twenty-word summary]. I thought your insights could be really…
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Sample Social Media connection request Hi [Name]. Wanted to reconnect. We originally connected through [Your School alum/student][Industry/Sector veteran/newbie][fellow entrepreneur/company alum]. Now I’m working on a [project type] about [twenty-word summary]. Based on [a relative achievement, a recent article they wrote, their experience in an…
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How to make it specific. One of the easiest ways to create a more effective ask is to be specific on the outcome of the ask. As you’ll see in the examples, you are requesting a short, twenty-minute phone interview or a chat. Mentor Fallacy: It’s better to be general in our requests for help, support, or feedback and let our mentors guide us. Super Mentor Reality: The more specific our goals, the higher our performance and productivity levels. Make more specific inquiries, and you’ll get more productive and helpful results. The easiest way to make it specific is to ask yourself: “What do I most want out of this time?”
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The easiest way to make it specific is to ask yourself: “What do I most want out of this time?”
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- [note::It = Your ask of the other person]

How to make it simple. Do they have all the information they need to answer with a yes or no?
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How to make it schedulable. These are not transactional relationships, and you should consider how to incorporate an interaction. Would this involve a call? Will you meet in person? Will you both be at an event to interact? Will you have a way to exchange digital, real-time communications via text messages or a similar channel? Even if your goal is a series of interactions over time, you want to begin with a first interaction. Add a specific amount of time you’re looking for. Remember, the amount of time does not equate to the value of the interaction.
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How to make this an opportunity. Why should they make time for this? This is where scoping some of the details can highlight that your project is important—and finite. People can get excited about helping an aspiring writer, designer, researcher, or change maker. Communicate what you are doing and how they’ll participate. How will they see the fruits of their work pay off? It’s important to note that this isn’t “what’s in it for you” but more about “how will I know my time was well spent.”
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It’s important to note that this isn’t “what’s in it for you” but more about “how will I know my time was well spent.”
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How to acknowledge their capacity. You’re asking for a favor. Acknowledge that you appreciate them, their prior work, and the unique contribution they can make to you and your project. This could be one of the more important and underappreciated parts of building these relationships. You want to share what specifically inspired you to reach out and that you believe their time will be important to your meaningful project. Any effort you make in advance to show your generosity—five minutes favors—can go a long way.
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You bear the responsibility. An inability to ask small, simple questions signals that you don’t have the knowledge and would need to be taught or coached or may require a heavy investment. Consider asking yourself the question first. Does it require extensive thinking, planning, scheduling, or consideration? Can you make the ask itself more transactional? Can you create smaller steps to the larger question? The simpler the initial requests—a well-scoped micro-request being ideal early in the relationship—the easier it is to come to a quick and hopefully positive resolution.
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“Is there any way I can just intern for you?” “We’re not looking for an intern,” came the reply. He was ready with his response. “I understand. Is there any way I can just have an email address?” There was a pause on the other end of the phone. “You don’t have to pay me,” he continued, “just give me an email address. I will just leverage that to set up meetings with interesting start-up founders. I will just send you my notes from those meetings. You never have to see me in your offices.” “I guess,” Jonathan replied, considering the unorthodox request. “I don’t see any downsides...” With that simpler ask, Blake went to work. “Having this email address was enough to get my foot in many doors. And I reached out to every interesting founder. I again reached out to all the investors who ignored me from those initial cold emails, saying, ‘Hey, I just ended up in venture. I’d love to learn from you now and start sending you deals. What areas interest you?’ and now almost all of them responded. I was just building on my network and showing the access I could get for Ludlow.” The then-senior in college eventually got a job offer and a seat at the table at Ludlow because he brought an unusual network with him—one he built on the back of a simpler request of an email address.
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- [note::I'm speechless - what an incredible, yet simple strategy. Asking for an email address, ending up with a job.]

Micro-requests are a superpower for the aspiring protégé. A micro-request is a piece of carefully scoped work, help, or support that can be completed quickly and without impacting the ability to complete other work or efforts. These are the “what’s the downside” requests: small, tangible, and simple asks that require very little thinking and work from the mentor. But they enable a mentee or protégé to demonstrate their value and competence to the mentor.
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Our effort to simplify our micro-requests to create “easy wins” is critical. Yes, it’s an email address, it’s a micro-project, and it’s a question. But the power of a micro-request is transformative in establishing the first move.
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Find the people who have the power to transform your trajectory. Learn how to connect with the people who have the opportunities you’re seeking.
- Location 1740
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Imagine living in a close-knit neighborhood—the kind where everyone knows everyone, where you have block parties, kids play in the park and the pool, and you’ll pop over the fence to say hello to someone out planting flowers, washing their car, or mowing the lawn. Now imagine you need to borrow a ladder to hang the ceiling fan you’ve just purchased. You walk to the neighbor with the biggest house in your neighborhood and knock once on their door. No one answers. You go home, put the fan in your car, and return it to the store where you purchased it. You conclude the fan isn’t meant to be hung. As ridiculous as this sounds, this happens to people searching for a mentor. They reach out to a single person, a single time, hear nothing and give up. Or worse, they never even buy the fan, assuming no one in the neighborhood would lend them their ladder. “It’s so disheartening to watch learners give up after just one attempt at making a connection,” Adam Saven shared. “Especially when so many wonderful people around us are willing to lend a hand.” Turns out lots of ladder-owning neighbors would be more than happy to give you theirs.
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- [note::GREAT analogy]

There is not one single person who will create opportunities for you. There’s a web of help available to you, and your job is to begin mapping out that help.
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A guiding principle of Super Mentors is many people can deliver transformative opportunities to you. Our goal is to increase the odds of finding one who will provide a transformative opportunity dramatically.
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- opportunity, mentorship, achievement,
- [note::Key idea in the book]

When we begin with big, well-known names, we tend to think it’s almost ridiculous. I want you to be ridiculous. When I say aim higher, I truly mean it. Part of this act of aiming much higher makes our choices less difficult and makes this all feel more fun. When we aim higher on people we admire, we are less apt to censor ourselves. It sounds a bit ridiculous to rattle off names like Taylor Swift, Chance the Rapper, Kanye West, or any number of people we admire far off on the horizon, but they offer a real picture of who we believe could offer us these transformative opportunities. These are the people you’d love to be, be like, or be associated with on your horizons. Horizons are in the distance but visible. It’s real, but it’s far enough away that it’s still blurry and uncertain.
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- [note::When mapping your mentors, expand your horizons.]

Picking a collaborative and meaningful project can be difficult. If you’re unsure which project is the best fit for you, try to reverse engineer your project. Here’s how: Step 1. → Identify the people on your horizon. Step 2. → Learn about their early career before they achieved breakout success. Step 3. → Look for projects they tackled. Did they discuss or call out an article series or a book they wrote? Did they organize a concert, a conference, or an event? Have they taught a course or given a speech? Did they develop a product? Did they release a podcast, series of videos, or a YouTube channel? Did they publish some research or findings? Step 4. → Examine the project in greater detail and learn the development process. Step 5. → Repeat until you find a project that inspires or excites you. Then begin identifying any peer or near-peer mentors who have also worked on a similar project and might be able to talk to you about their process.
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You don’t need to know much to begin. Start by trying to identify two things: Who are your aspirational peers? Who do you admire? What sectors/industries/arenas are they playing in? What intersections do they operate in?
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- [note::Creating your knowledge graph]

STEP 1: Identify some “keywords” or “key people”
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Your goal is to find people talking about the subjects you’re interested in. We’re going to explore the knowledge graph across these four digital communities. These digital communities give us access to knowledge directly from people—talking, speaking, presenting, teaching, and being interviewed: Podcasts (Apple and/or Spotify) TEDx Talks YouTube Google
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- mentorship, information diet, networking,

STEP 3: Identify relevant people and stories and add them to a running list
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STEP 4: Find out how to contact them
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STEP 5: Rinse and Repeat in Your Warm Networks
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Many of us have heard the quote: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Or a similar quote says, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.” But it turns out researchers find that’s not entirely true. We are influenced and affected by all the people we surround ourselves with. David Burkus, the author of Friend of a Friend, said, “You’re not the average of the five people you surround yourself with. It’s way bigger than that. You’re the average of all the people who surround you. So take a look around and make sure you’re in the right surroundings.”
- Location 1999
- lifestyle, environment, achievement, influence, networks, social dynamics,

The relationship mindset is critical for modern mentorship: Establish relationships with multiple mentors Create a mixture of relevant synchronous (live meetings/engagements) and asynchronous (updates and social media engagement) touchpoints Develop opportunities through a process
- Location 2007
- networking, mentorship, relationship management,

There’s commonly a build to the modern mentor relationship—something I call Stair-Step Mentoring: STAGE 1: Micro Request for Advice/Guidance STAGE 2: Micro Opportunity STAGE 3: Opportunity & Access Acceleration
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- mentorship, 1action,

Begin mentor relationships small. Take steps to make it super. Learn how to grow relationships that lead to transformative career and life opportunities over time.
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Three things appear to matter in cultivating Super Mentor relationships. Follow up, do it fast, and continue following up.
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- [note::This is one of the major reasons I'm not as well-networked as I'd like to be - I struggle with following up.]

Four transformative words can change your relationship with anyone: “Thank you. I’ve already…” This is the art of micro follow-ups. Acknowledge the person and their time, and offer evidence their time is already impacting you. I’ve already… been thinking about what you said… been building a list… been writing more notes… been brainstorming titles… been looking at dates… been adding things to my calendar... Much like micro-requests, there’s power in micro follow-ups. Think of them as another time for the person to identify an opportunity for you. You become top of mind in the context of your discussion. Perhaps just as important, you remain top of mind for future opportunities that come to your Super Mentors.
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- [note::Reminds me of Networking for Nerds ("everyone has a projection of you")]

The best opportunities won’t operate on your timeline or timetable. Instead, you’re playing for a critical moment: “... and you popped into my mind...” Simple expressions of gratitude are memorable. When we are memorable, we remain top of mind for future opportunities.
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For aspiring entrepreneurs who met with me to discuss their start-ups or new business ideas, my most common recommendation was to speak to five to ten customers and tell me what they’d found. They’d build a threshold around feedback when they’d reached that specific number—five to ten—rather than feedback loops along the way. Micro feedback that does not create more work or actions for the mentor is more valuable than delaying beyond a particular threshold.
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- [note::Simple updates on progress are OKAY and signal to the other person that they actually helped you in some way - YOUR EMAILS ARE NOT A BURDEN]

The follow-up bar, especially fast follow-up, is so low, meaning anything you do will be perceived even better. The reality is like your initial requests. You don’t need macro follow-up. Specific. Simple. Schedulable. Within twenty-four hours, are you able to follow up with a message that reads, “I’ve already _____”? First follow-up, and then do it more quickly than anyone else. Then do it again.
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- [note::Quick, short follow-ups trump slow, substantial ones.]

Micro request. Micro follow-up loops. Expand. Repeat. Charlie would work on a summer-long project that marketing guru Seth Godin shared in his blog. He then cold-emailed Ramit Sethi and collaborated on a series of video-related projects. Charlie then leveraged that experience to get hired as a videographer by four-time New York Times best-selling author Tucker Max as he turned his book into a movie. At each point, Charlie started small, but he delivered quickly.
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- [note::This feels like magic, but it's literally just reaching out with a favor, asking for something small, and following up againand again. Crazy fucking simple.]

Mentorship has seasons, so engage the ideal mentor at the right time in your life. Learn how to identify stages and mentors that can support you through them.
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The four key factors in developing long-term relationships are proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. Similarities are often much less important than these aspects that create momentum behind the relationship.
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However, the actual similarity is less important than the initial perception of similarities. Super Mentor relationships possess stunning levels of mirroring, where a Super Mentor and their protégé display strong similarities across observable characteristics like upbringing, career path, gender, race, socioeconomic background, and schooling. There were, of course, outliers, but “seeing a younger version of themselves in the mirror” was a typical pattern.
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Specifically, in the case of mentoring relationships, it’s much less important that you have a lot in common but that you and they think you have a lot in common. While someone different from us may offer us more opportunities to expand our knowledge or experiences, studies, such as Hampton’s, find that we perceive we would gain more from those similar to us.
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“Seeking advice from those ahead of us has always been the tradition,” Adam Saven told me. “And subsequently, as we gain more experience, we expect to serve as mentors for others.” Saven also noted, however, that in his experience, the best mentorship outcomes occur when the mentor is three to five years older than the mentee. “It’s often easier to see ourselves at the next ideal step than at the top of the stairs. We can model ourselves after those right before us, knowing that we’re on our way toward our ideal.”
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Wonder, a firm specializing in research, indicates that workplace mentorship can increase job retention of mentees and mentors by 72 percent and 69 percent, respectively. About 77 percent of organizations with active mentoring programs record a reduction in employee turnover.
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LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman writes in his book The Alliance: Managing Talent in the Networked Age, “Psychologist Arthur Aron of SUNY Stony Brook discovered that asking participants in an experiment to share their deepest feelings and beliefs for a single hour could generate the same sense of trust and intimacy that typically takes weeks, months, or years to form.”
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“Of all the things that can boost inner work life, the most important is making progress in meaningful work.” And for work mentors, this excerpt contains an important insight into their role in unlocking employees’ potential—helping them see progress toward their aims and goals. Amabile continues, “If you are a manager, the progress principle holds clear implications for where to focus your efforts. It suggests that you have more influence than you may realize over employees’ well-being, motivation, and creative output. Knowing what serves to catalyze and nourish progress—and what does the opposite—turns out to be the key to effectively managing people and their work.”
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Even Reid Hoffman admitted, “Few of the managers we spoke with for this book worried that the tour of duty framework might give employees ‘permission’ to leave. But permission is not yours to give or withhold, and believing you have that power is simply a self-deception that leads to a dishonest relationship with your employees. Employees don’t need your permission to switch companies, and if you try to assert that right, they’ll simply make their move behind your back.”
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- [note::Ugh, yes. Not talking to people about their long-term career goals just signals that you don't care about them as an employee.]

Many people simply believe you age out of being mentored or you can’t be both a mentor and be mentored. The truth is mentors may be more important the more advanced you are in your career. The power of a mentor doesn’t disappear when you hit twenty-four or thirty or forty-five or eighty. Quite the opposite: Mentors become more critical to reach the next stage.
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We are less open to new information—what researchers Stanovich and West call “myside bias.”
- Location 3388
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Remember, approaching a peer who has achieved more than you in one aspect of life can feel a bit humiliating, but you’ll be surprised that this same peer likely views the aspects of your life where you’ve achieved more in the same manner.
- Location 3445
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- [note::Relatable]

Author Ben Casnocha notes that simply packaging our advice as peer advice comes across as less condescending and can change the dynamic. Sharing your struggles with living up to any advice—”it’s something I’ve struggled with, too”—can help reduce the stacked power dynamic. Casnocha suggests using less authoritative phrases like, “I’m trying, too” and “I would…” For example, “I know reading frequently works because I am also trying to read more often, working.” Or, “If my performance in class dropped, I would try to read more frequently to get the concept.” Peer mentoring most often fails when either party appears to be projecting power.
- Location 3452
- power dynamics, mentorship, management, coaching, authority, peer_support,
- [note::Good tip for managing others]

When they ask for advice, give them guidance. When they ask for guidance, give them coaching. And when they don’t know what they need, give them opportunities and access.
- Location 4072
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Katzenbach, Jon, and Ashley Harshak. “Stop Blaming Your Culture.” Strategy+Business, 19 Jan. 2011. https://www.strategy-business.com/article/11108.
- Location 4139
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Burkus, David. “You’re Not the Average of the Five People You Surround Yourself With.” Medium, Mission.org, 7 June 2018. https://medium.com/the-mission/youre-not-the-average-of-the-five-people-you-surround-yourself-with-f21b817f6e69.
- Location 4210
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Qi, Christina. “No, I Don’t Have a Mentor, and I’m Doing Just Fine.” LinkedIn, LinkedIn, 6 Feb. 2021. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/i-dont-have-mentor-im-doing-just-fine-christina-qi-caia/.
- Location 4246
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Casnocha, Ben. “Six Habits of Highly Effective Mentees.” Ben Casnocha, 15 Apr. 2008. https://casnocha.com/2008/04/six-habits-of-h.html.
- Location 4311
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Grimmer, Jordan. “Experts vs. Friends: The Definitive Guide to Who Influences Us and Why.” Medium, 29 Sept. 2016. https://medium.com/bestcompany/experts-vs-friends-the-definitive-guide-to-who-influences-us-and-why-6a0aa609c8c0
- Location 4313
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