okay so, I have sort of a bit of experience coming from the same place as you and I kind of understand what you are going through. I even had to ask my friends if they thought the person I was dating was ugly or if it was just me (and it really was just me being a piece of sht
first of all, I think It would be really healthy to get off the social media for a while and kind of do a detox, that helped me out a lot because it literally gives you unrealistic standards and causes you to focus on the wrong things.
the second thing that helped me a ton, was every time a thought that was negative about my partners appearance entered my mind, I would try to see the beauty in that moment as well.
Humanity is not perfect, we are anything but that, and I think there is beautiful moments all the time. so take time to appreciate the imperfections, because it is beautiful, and it is what makes us unique. There is beauty in our flaws. the bags under her eyes in the mornings, or the way your tummies pooch out after you two eat a big meal or the way her face scrunches up when she laughs. these are tender wholesome moments and the fact that you can be this close and see this person, in their most raw form, vulnerable and intimate ...is so very refreshing outside of this fake perfect Instagram life we look at every day on the screen.
so drink in the nectar of her reality and let it warm your heart. because each day is fleeting. and when you look back at these memories, you wouldn't want to remember a cold poised and always glamorous ideal. you want real, unadulterated love, flaws and all.
thirdly try to ponder exactly what you consider "ugly" means to you? is ugly less than perfect? do you often judge yourself as well?
at the end of the day beauty is subjective, and the standard of beauty is constantly evolving. I used to think unibrows were the most disturbing and ugly thing ever, then I met a girl who was actually quite beautiful and had a unibrow and, idk, after that they just weren't so bad any more LOL It kind of became an endearing thing rather than a total turn off. and the way she owned it was a whole mood lol.
So do I think you can get better? yes, I do. with some perspective change, I think you will be able to enjoy this relationship even more than you do right now, all it takes is a little more focus on being mindful and present in reality. working along with a therapist would also be a great start to get ahead.)
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