(highlight:: Do not get married until you resolve this issue. There’s a chance a couple sex therapy will help the issue, but it is far, far from a guarantee. It’s still more likely that nothing will change.
Also, It’s not selfish to want sex in a marriage or to consider it important. It’s an issue that is really difficult to separate from all the other issues in the relationship of how he makes you feel about yourself, how valued you feel, and all of that. A lack of intimacy will bleed over into other areas of your relationship and slowly poison it. There’s a good chance that sleeping with other partners would as well.
I’m glad you don’t plan to get married for a few years, but you should really make sure that you resolve this before you do, or you’re going to live a life of self loathing and regret. The fact that you consider masturbation shameful and disgusting tells me that you’ve probably been raised in a setting that tells women that they should have no sexual desire whatsoever. I’m sure that that feeds into your thought process about sex not being important enough to end a relationship over, and you should probably unpack that a bit first.)
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