(highlight:: Its always going to be situational.
In my experience, the LTRs that I broke were due to LT compatibility issues. They were serious dealbreakers, not mild inconveniences that could be worked on over time.
In this case the grass would be greener because I didnt want the relationships, and they were causing more stress than pleasure.
There was no inherent "contentness" - which I feel most people looking for LTRS should be aiming for instead of chasing superficial, unsustainable emotional highs.
I understand your anxiety, as I was recently broken up with by an older woman, who despite claiming that I was the best relationship she's ever had, ended it on a basis that she "didnt feel connected to me".
In truth. She was bored, and wanted to find something that excited her. Which, is a really shitty reason to date someone in the first place.
She was definitely an experience chaser, and theres nothing wrong with that. But thats not how she represented herself or her values - which annoys me to no end.
Having a relationship that I viewed as pleasant, content, and brimming with potential, abruptly thrown out for a transparently lazy reason was a shocker - and a wake up call.
Not all people know what they want. And worse, not all people are self aware enough or can admit what they want is unsustainable, or unrealistic.
These people misrepresent themselves, create connections, and then drop them when said connections aren't satisfying unrealistic expectations.
Just sucks that decent people with their heads on straight get caught in the crossfire.
That experience has defintely created some dating anxiety, and Its really difficult to not fall into "I'm not good enough" toxic, thought cycles.
However, the simple reality is, most people aren't compatible with most people. Settling, to a point, is a reality and nobody is going to be a perfect match.
The grass, can be greener on the other side. But the grass wont grow where there are no seeds, and the grass will always be greener where its tended to with careful regard.)
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(highlight:: There is a follow up statement to that one: the grass is greener where you water it.
There is some truth to that follow up. A relationship will suffer if you don't invest into that relationship, doesn't matter if it is romantic or platonic. If you just stop showing up, it's going to wilt.
That said, there are limits. If you are with someone who you aren't compatible with, don't share the same values, don't want/live a similar lifestyle, etc., no amount of investing is going to fix that. So, you need to find someone who aligns with you well enough that you can successfully have something with them while simultaneously remember that you have to keep, constantly, putting energy back into it to keep it healthy. You don't find a good relationship and then put it on auto pilot.
There is a funny joke, Ron White if I remember correctly. He's talking about being on a plane and one engine failing and the person next to him asking how far will one engine take them. "All the way to the scene of the crash." Well, that's how far a relationship on auto pilot will make it as well.)
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(highlight:: Your story isn't all that uncommon. I would like to point out that you weren't necessarily looking for greener grass in a relationship. More so greener grass in your personal fulfillment.
As you pointed out, that's not really a you or him thing, necessarily. No one is wrong in your situation.
Additionally, bravo to you for recognizing that you should have broken it off even sooner because you knew what you wanted in life. Far too many people, selfishly hold on to these great partners (because they're hard to find) knowing their lifestyles won't match.)
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(highlight:: I think you're referring to the secretary problem? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem
It's kinda my dating tactic for 2022. Get in get out.)
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