This sadly is part of ADHD behaviour. Last year, I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready and my DX partner pushed me out of the way because she wanted something from next to the stove. In doing so, she bumped the handle of a pot that was heating water. This splashed on my arm and scalded me. My first reaction was “Fuck that hurt”, immediately followed by running my arm under the cold water in the sink.Now, most people in that situation would have apologised profusely and done what they could to help. But no. Despite my partner causing the whole thing by her singleminded impatience to do what she wanted, I was the asshole for 1) reacting at all, 2) failing to tell her there was hot water on the stove (it was steaming and starting to boil), 3) for having the handle on the pot oriented in such a position that it could be bumped. Despite this so obviously being her fault, I was the one in the wrong in her mind and she wouldn’t hear any different. I got no apology, instead I got a painful scald that took weeks to heal. In the weeks that followed, when she accidentally touched it in bed causing pain, any reaction on my part resulted in the same response as when I did it. She fully bought in to her distorted version of events.In reality, what happened in my situation is that my partner projected her own feelings on the situation on to me. That way, she doesn’t have to address them. Even though this was over a year ago, she has still not apologised or accepted responsibility.I also often get accused of shouting at my partner when in fact it’s her that’s started the shouting. But instead of admitting that, she’ll try to convince me I started it, then try to bring my memory into question. At one stage it got so bad I started recording any conversation I felt might head in that direction. After having a few conversations played back to her that show without any doubt that she was in fact the instigator, and continuing to use the grey rock method she started to catch herself out in those situations.
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This sadly is part of ADHD behaviour. Last year, I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready and my DX partner pushed me out of the way because she wanted something from next to the stove. In doing so, she bumped the handle of a pot that was heating water. This splashed on my arm and scalded me. My first reaction was “Fuck that hurt”, immediately followed by running my arm under the cold water in the sink.Now, most people in that situation would have apologised profusely and done what they could to help. But no. Despite my partner causing the whole thing by her singleminded impatience to do what she wanted, I was the asshole for 1) reacting at all, 2) failing to tell her there was hot water on the stove (it was steaming and starting to boil), 3) for having the handle on the pot oriented in such a position that it could be bumped. Despite this so obviously being her fault, I was the one in the wrong in her mind and she wouldn’t hear any different. I got no apology, instead I got a painful scald that took weeks to heal. In the weeks that followed, when she accidentally touched it in bed causing pain, any reaction on my part resulted in the same response as when I did it. She fully bought in to her distorted version of events.In reality, what happened in my situation is that my partner projected her own feelings on the situation on to me. That way, she doesn’t have to address them. Even though this was over a year ago, she has still not apologised or accepted responsibility.I also often get accused of shouting at my partner when in fact it’s her that’s started the shouting. But instead of admitting that, she’ll try to convince me I started it, then try to bring my memory into question. At one stage it got so bad I started recording any conversation I felt might head in that direction. After having a few conversations played back to her that show without any doubt that she was in fact the instigator, and continuing to use the grey rock method she started to catch herself out in those situations.
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