A relationship to an avoidant can be healthy and they will still have these types of thoughts.. that’s what almost makes them avoidant in the first place. They start questioning if the intentions of the other person are true. Essentially they don’t trust their partner much in the fact that they think their partner will inevitably betray them even though that partner can be showing up safely.Avoidants push away a lot of good things.. that’s their nature unfortunately. They can’t characterize themselves what’s going on. Their neuropathways when it comes to connection are just wired different and there is nothing that the person sitting on the other side can really do to further assist. The avoidant HAS to be doing the work and they have to be healing or else they will unfortunately repeat the same cycle with everyone.It could be considered a form of self sabotage if the avoidant begins to feel trapped in the relationship but it usually will result in hot/cold behavior. Push pull. Deactivation. Withholding of intimacy(not sex). Begin to distance themselves.Avoidants don’t really understand what true love actually is supposed to look like. Love to them is abandonment/ambivalence just as their caregivers provided to them growing up. Inconsistent love. Avoidants can fall in love and a lot of them do. However, love is only a spec when it comes to the labyrinth of avoidance. Love will not fix avoidance let alone scratch the surface. They will abandon people they love just so they can feel safe. These feelings are only amplified when there is something on the table to lose. The more they fall in love the more they will begin to push away. It’s how they’re built.It’s not really about listening these behaviors are subconscious only healing avoidants are aware they push and pull etc unaware avoidants will pick your flaws and make it seem like you are the problem. These behaviors aren’t always controllable it’s like putting your hand on a hot stove. You will automatically move your hand because it hurts it’s the same as avoidance it’s built into you as a subconscious reaction. Good thing bad thing doesn’t matter they will inevitably push people they love away they can’t trust they grew up not depending on anyone it’s just how they’ve always been.Hope this helps
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A relationship to an avoidant can be healthy and they will still have these types of thoughts.. that’s what almost makes them avoidant in the first place. They start questioning if the intentions of the other person are true. Essentially they don’t trust their partner much in the fact that they think their partner will inevitably betray them even though that partner can be showing up safely.Avoidants push away a lot of good things.. that’s their nature unfortunately. They can’t characterize themselves what’s going on. Their neuropathways when it comes to connection are just wired different and there is nothing that the person sitting on the other side can really do to further assist. The avoidant HAS to be doing the work and they have to be healing or else they will unfortunately repeat the same cycle with everyone.It could be considered a form of self sabotage if the avoidant begins to feel trapped in the relationship but it usually will result in hot/cold behavior. Push pull. Deactivation. Withholding of intimacy(not sex). Begin to distance themselves.Avoidants don’t really understand what true love actually is supposed to look like. Love to them is abandonment/ambivalence just as their caregivers provided to them growing up. Inconsistent love. Avoidants can fall in love and a lot of them do. However, love is only a spec when it comes to the labyrinth of avoidance. Love will not fix avoidance let alone scratch the surface. They will abandon people they love just so they can feel safe. These feelings are only amplified when there is something on the table to lose. The more they fall in love the more they will begin to push away. It’s how they’re built.It’s not really about listening these behaviors are subconscious only healing avoidants are aware they push and pull etc unaware avoidants will pick your flaws and make it seem like you are the problem. These behaviors aren’t always controllable it’s like putting your hand on a hot stove. You will automatically move your hand because it hurts it’s the same as avoidance it’s built into you as a subconscious reaction. Good thing bad thing doesn’t matter they will inevitably push people they love away they can’t trust they grew up not depending on anyone it’s just how they’ve always been.Hope this helps
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